this is to announce

that I will be leaving for a time. there are a number of things I need to sort out, and it has become blindingly obvious that I cannot rely on anyone else for even so much as company. I dont know when (if) I'll be back, but for now this place will still be here if you should like to visit.

as a parting request, I ask you to pray for me.

* * *

from now until whenever,

if that time comes.

Hadi

In glory of our guide, the immortal hero

Without whom even Imams would have not Islam

Suffice the praise from the Almighty in His book of you,

O best of men, beloved Last Messenger of Allah

Though words fail on behalf of mankind in gratitude

We bow to your words in which lies the command of Allah

And praise evermore & seek His blessings upon you,

O beloved, O Muhammad, O Mustafa.

* * *

(c) April 2007

ma'siyah

I am Firon

every time i choose what i want, over what He wants, no matter how small

I am satan

when he refused to bow to Adam (as), even though he said he would worship in other ways. it was self denial -- if i let my pride keep me from obeying Him instead of me, even with seemingly logial reasons. How can I truly have Islam if i dont submit myself to Him? Whoever has even the smallest speck of arrogance will never enter heaven.

They say the first & hardest veil to tear is Pride. & not with no reason.

Let this day be the start of my active submission
& the start of my active suppression of my stubborn will.

* * *

(c) March 2007

the return

There is a special kind of peace that comes with being in the presence of someone great, and a special kind of inspiration which comes just by being close to them. Often you dont fully appreciate the impact this person or situation has had on your life until its gone; and too often you dont value the strength afforded you by a believing, religiously active community until you are alone.

At such times you must suddenly separate from such beneficial companions, the world at once seems dark and cold, and the loneliness of solitary belief can crush you into old habits and draw you into the death of apathy.

In the dying throes, when you still feel the pain of this, there is nothing to stop you reaching for your complete, perfect examples & leaders, your permanent support, guidance, inspiration & community. In the loss of those good souls who, just by being around them, inspired you to be more; you can realise your true need for knowledge of your perfect, full examples.

You finally realise, you cannot do this alone, nor can you keep the calm, distant relation of polite ziarat you had once developed. You feel the need to see them more than the thirst for water on a hot summer's day. You feel the burning desire to be with them & know them & serve & represent them as best you can, and give up the false modesty of not wishing to see them because of your shortcomings. You finally, fully realise your total loss without them, and pray fervently that Allah will reveal them to you as soon as possible.

You cannot do this alone. But you do not have to. Instead of seeking this salvation from scholars, sheikhs, spouses or friends; you finally turn fully - open armed and waiting for contact - to your leaders, who have been waiting in turn for you, all along.

May Allah accept all our prayers in their name, unite us with them in this life & the next, & make us their full & faithful followers.

* * *

(c) April 2007