frm the he/art

the Start of Faith: Establishing your Beliefs beyond any doubt

2009-01-22T15:21:00.061Z

in His Name, Bismillah ir Rahman ir Raheem,

There are many stages on the journey to true faith. This is important to understand for those of us who, perhaps, don't yet have a faith but want to search for truth; for those who have grown up within a religion and now they're older wish to build their faith; or those who have encountered doubts or a low in their lives and need to strengthen their identity and ideology. The following will explain the basic steps which prepare the foundation for faith, then strengthen it.

It should be noted that although this is discussed within the context of religious faith, it is entirely general. Parallels to these steps can be taken to build any belief which plays a dominant role in man's interactions and daily life.

* * *

Stage 1: Ask the Big Question

This is of great importance as a starting point. First, we must clearly describe the belief we wish to develop in its most basic form. For religious belief, this most fundamental question would be, "Does God Exist?"

If we haven't asked ourselves the fundamental question and tried to find facts to give our answer, our beliefs will never be anything more than habits or phrases learnt blindly from our parents. This kind of belief is not sufficient for any adult to count as faith, so everyone must start this journey as he or she starts to grow up in order to develop into a human being, and a Believer. In many places the Quran condemns people who have no reasons for their beliefs, and blindly follow their parents or the habits of their past.

When it is said to them: "Follow what Allah hath revealed:" They say: "Nay! we shall follow the ways of our fathers." What! even though their fathers Were void of wisdom and guidance?

Holy Quran, 2:170

Stage 2: Establish the Facts

Now you have a question to think about, measures need to be taken to establish the facts. Look at the world around you, think deeply about its characteristics and nature, and the rules by which it exists.

In the case of establishing belief in God, you may study the wonders of nature in depth, considering the incredible complexity of even the smallest part of creation; the complete harmony of the laws of nature that govern everything from sunrise to tidal waves to supernovae in the skies and the many forms of distant stars and galaxies in our universe. Think about this deeply, and decide whether it is logical that these things happened by accident, on their own, or just popping out of nothing. Think about the implications of saying the universe just "happened" one day: if a tennis ball flew past your face would you believe it just popped out of nowhere? or would you look to see where it came from, for someone who threw it towards you? If you decide that you would never believe even a simple tennis ball came from nowhere, you must reject the idea that this wonderous universe which is infinitely greater and more complex came from nothing.

This path of looking for proof will be different for each of us. For those of us who are scientists, we may consider the laws of the universe such as E=mc2, which has the consequence that neither energy nor matter can ever be created or destroyed within the laws of the universe - so because of this rule the universe could not have created itself, and therefore needs an external Creator, who would be God. For those who study philosophy, we may consider the chain of cause and effect, and realise that you need one independent Cause to start things off, who is God. An artist may appreciate the symmetry and exquisite beauty of the world and creation, and realise there is no way this could have come randomly but must be a sign of the existence of a Great Artist; a wonderous Intelligence and Creative power who designed the world.

There are an infinite number of different ways to approach this, but the common theme to all of them is to think deeply about the signs of the world which you understand: art for the artist, science for the scientist and so on, collecting the facts until you realise that the world is no accident, and was deliberately created by a supreme Intelligence and Power.

A useful resource to read here is Tawheed al Mufaddal, a discussion between Imam Jafar as Sadiq (as) and one of his famous companions about the wonders of creation, leading each observation through to its logical conclusion about the existence and nature of God.

This is something you need to do in your own way, but do not give up until you have gathered enough evidence to expel your doubts and convince you of the answer. This is not something which will happen in 5 minutes, but is of paramount importance. This is and will always be the backbone of your faith. Establish it properly once, and it will last you all your life.

Stage 3: Explore the Consequences

Now you should be convinced of the basic part of your faith: that as sure as this universe around you exists, God must also exist to have created it. Every time you look around you, you should start to realise that everything you see is proof of God. But so far all we know is that God exists and made the world, we haven't established anything else. The next stage is to look at creation again, this time from the angle that it was created by Someone, an Intellect who did things this way for a reason, then by looking at the way things are created we can start to understand His motivation and aspects of His character.

Now if the artist thinks about the beautiful flower, he realises that God specifically chose to create its beautiful colour and pleasing scent: and that God also deliberately chose to give us senses that would appreciate this beauty - the artist then realises that God loves beauty, and is kind and wishes human beings to experience joy at beholding it.

If the scientist thinks about the wonderous laws of nature, none contradicting each other, working in harmony together being flawless and perfect and orderly to keep the universe running, he realises that God is wise and knowing and intelligent and loves harmony, and wishes all in creation to work together.

If the philosopher thinks about the temporary and dependent existence of everything in the world, he realises that God is eternal and unchanging, is completely Independent of needs and He is the one who satisfies the needs of all others.

Do this from all angles you can think of, being very careful to scrutinise your reasoning and logic along the way. A good guide is to look at the 99 beautiful Names of Allah, and think about the proofs in creation for each one of those. This should ensure that you haven't come to a false conclusion through flawed logic. Other useful resources are Knowing God and God and His Attributes.

Now we have a better idea of who God is, His supreme kindness, wisdom, power and gentleness; we can come to understand why we should worship and obey Him and nobody else, not even our own desires. This is the basic Islamic belief, La ilaha Il Allah, there is no god except Allah.

Stage 4: Establishing the rest of the fundamental beliefs

Now you have established the most fundamental basic belief of Islam - Monotheism - it is time to find proof and certainty about the other major beliefs of Islam such as the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him and his progeny) and the Quran as the book of God. For now lets start with these two, for establishing these without doubt means that anything in the Quran is automatically true, for example heaven, hell and Judgement; and anythinng we can prove was said by the Prophet (pbuh) is also (the truthfulness of the people in the chain of narrators then becomes the only issue when it comes to hadeeth).

In the case of the Quran, the answer is relatively simple. We should first read about the unique characteristics of the Quran, such as its style, consistency, the historical predictions it contains, and other features which characterise the book. Then, as the Quran itself states,

"And if ye are in doubt as to what We have revealed from time to time to Our servant, then produce a chapter like thereunto; and call your witnesses or helpers (if there are any) besides Allah, if your (doubts) are true."

Holy Quran 2:23

It is a fact that nobody has ever been able to imitate the style and content of the Quran, throughout the whole of history. According to history (which you should research to convince yourself) the great poets and literary masters in Classical Arabic at the time of the Quran's revelation were completely dumbfounded by it, and unable to generate even one comparable verse, even though this was their mother tongue and they were renowned for their eloquence and beautiful poetry.

Follow arguments such as these to convince yourself the Quran is the word of God, and you can then use the Quran as proof for the existence of Angels, heaven, hell, Judgement Day and other important beliefs. This way, you have firm reasons and certainty that these beliefs are true, and come from the Ultimate Truth (al Haqq, one of Allah's Names, see stage 3).

In the case of the Prophet (pbuh), we should think about Allah's creation of the universe and the methods He gives us to know what He would like us to do. He gave us conscience, an internal and instinctive knowledge of good, to guide our actions. He gave us intellect, which allows us to reason and form arguments to know the best thing to do in any given situation. But for some questions, for example, the permissibility of abortion in the case of rape or health problems for the mother, conscience and intellect don't leave us with a clear answer. If we are to be judged as the Quran says, it would be unfair to do so without first telling us the rules which we have to obey (note: remember Allah's name Al-Adl, the Just, from stage 3). Keep thinking along these lines with your own arguments, until you are sure Allah has to send a set of rules to mankind to guide them. Prophets are simply the most trustworthy and honest people to deliver this most important message to the rest of mankind, and be a good example to them to behave in a way which God loves.

Knowing this, read about the life of the Prophet (pbuh). See if he fits the description of a pure, trustworthy and honest guide. See if he ever acted for himself, his own reward, glory or any reason other than delivering Allah's message. And don't forget to read history and understand there is absolutely no doubt that he was the one to bring us the Quran, which we previously established is the word of God and which tells us about the Prophet (pbuh). The Quran contains a chapter by the name of Muhammad (pbuh), and repeatedly refers to him in affectionate and supportive terms. The Quran actually states within it that the Prophet (pbuh) does not speak out of his own desire, but he only speaks that which is revealed to him; and that he has a most exalted character.

A useful resource in this stage is the book, The Seal of the Prophets and his Message, and the biography of the Prophet (pbuh), The Message.

Once you read about the life of this great and wonderful, selfless and noble, kind and loving guide you will understand that if ever God sent a messenger and example to mankind, it would most definitely be him. Now we have firm faith in the second part of the testament of faith, Muhammadun Rasool Allah (Muhammad is the Messenger of God), and the Quran as the book of God and all it teaches about Angels, Heaven, Hell, Judgement, past Messengers, Justice, Love, Forgiveness and much more.

* * *

In the following post, inshaAllah we will discuss strengthening and developing these beliefs, until they become a part of you and your identity.

* * *

its been a long time coming
Footsteps: May '07
and even before

ready your swordz

2008-12-24T20:18:00.004Z

I know u.
For what I saw in your words mirroring me
I know
U wait for him too.
so as 1 to the same and another of another form, I ask u
in the name
of this son of Zahra for who
I know you can't
Refuse 2 use what
He gave u.

brotha,
Ready
Your
Swordz.

* * *

c'mon!

connecting

2008-11-24T11:25:00.005Z

Saturday 26th July
In the haram of Imam Reza (as), at zohr.

This time, I had been able to enter the haram as I wished, to get pulled into the melee and drunk on the same crazed spirit that makes normal, civillised people behave like lunatics to get to and cling to the zarih. Other times, this choice had been made for me. You would think that I would have learnt the lesson better by this stage.

On the first day, with great anticipation, hope and desire to perform ziara on behalf of all, I had entered the throng, and basked in the Imam's proximity. The second day, I had not prepared myself sufficiently, and all of a sudden found myself at the haram door with my thoughts scattering. Reading the permission to enter proved it; even after the small rise of emotion on asking the imam (as) as the son of Fatimatul Zahra, by the right of Fatimatul Zahra (as), it was very evident the invitation was a grace from the imam and I had limited my own experience and connection.

This was the third time we were to enter the haram.

I was intent upon not repeating the mistake of the second time, in an attempt to recapture a little of the spirit of the first. I made my way towards the soaring golden arch, with the white-hot morning sun resplendent, high above it. Just before entering a spot caught my eye – an area to sit within the row of worshipers, on the right hand side, a short distance from the door. The feeling came to me that I should sit in it, but I couldn't reconcile this with not yet having done ziarah. I pushed it aside and entered the door, into the mad crowds. I found spaces and pauses in the crushing in which to read my ziarah, but neither relaxed, nor truly comfortably, nor personally. Throughout I couldn't shake the feeling that I should be outside. Eventually this feeling overcame me, and I moved outside after the core ziarah, to read the final salutations.

My place was still empty, waiting for me, welcoming me. I sat in it and completed the ziarah and prayer more peacefully and calmly. By this time it was almost noon, with the beaming, burning sun hanging high above our heads, as I sat amongst the pilgrims in the shade of the golden archway, at its edge: in the cool breezed shade, inches away from the cloven half of sunlight.

Looking up at the sun in its zenith, glinting off the soaring gold, I had a vision; of the insanity of crowds, crushing each other in the race towards the grave, clamouring to have their many requests heard and granted, thinking of the fulfilment of their own needs, then to go home and think of little more; as an outsider to it – for a second seeing the difference in behaviour for the real servant of the Imam (as), one who was truly there to do as commanded and await his call, who would pull away from the crush to reach the physical grave, and hang back for just that, not breathing a word for his own sake: knowing that the Imam (as) saw him where he stood, knew his state fully, knew he was ready to serve, and if needed, knew he would call for him.

All these people had come for the Imam (as), mistaking his grave for his presence... all these mad crowds directed one way; between them those with vision would pull aside and wait, distant from the drunken madness and seeing it for what it was; behaving like a human being and faithful servant; patiently, politely, waiting for contact and a command from the Imam (as).

I saw the difference between serving yourself in the Imam's presence and serving him, and realised to truly be his follower you could not follow the crowd and ask only for your own desires, but instead must always be thinking,

“How can I serve my Imam?”

“What can I do to serve you, O Imam?”

“I am ready, and waiting for your command.”

* * *

On Sunday, for the first time ever, I chose not to enter the haram building, although I could, and performed ziara outside; again in the shade of the golden arch, and the glorious presence of the Imam (as).

* * *

July 2008

to the only believer in the world...

2008-11-24T09:59:00.004Z

... and all who have ever felt, "it is I"

these words are all dedicated to you

they have always been.

These pages are here in the hope that one day,
should you need it,
you might look at them
and see

you are not so alone.

* * *

Satan likes to make us feel we are completely alone and outnumbered. He likes to have us think we are engaged in an impossible struggle, and there is nobody else on the face of the earth who sees it, who knows what we're going through, nobody who is fighting for the same goal. This is the biggest lie. There are hundreds of others, all around us, unknown to us, feeling the same way; struggling alone. This is the secret face of ourselves we do not show to the outside world, all of us. Satan makes us feel there is nobody who would understand, nobody we can open up to who would not stare blankly or dismiss what we say. Another lie. It is quite likely we know someone else who feels like us, especially those who have traveled with us, shared great experiences, or thinks along the same lines. If you know another, keep in contact and support each other. If you do not, know that there are hundreds just like you, all over the face of the earth, in its hills and plains, in the easts and wests, lands and seas, all of you struggling towards the same goal. By the verse 3:68 and the chapter Al Kawthar, the earth is full of true followers of Muhammad (saw).

* * *

"O Allah send our master the leader, the guide, the guided, the upriser with Your command. Blessings of Allah be on him and his pure forefathers from all the believing men and believing women. In the easts of the earth and it's wests, in its plains and its mountains, its lands and its seas, from me and my parents. Blessings,which are the weight of Allah's throne and ink of His words, and whatever His knowledge enumerates and His book encompases."-- Dua Ahd

* * *

Nov '08

waswasah

2008-09-28T00:53:00.003Z

otherwise known as, the Macbeth effect

* * *

(07:40:58 PM) blissful: have u read Macbeth?
(07:41:18 PM) blissful: all the witches do at the start is put a wild idea into his head (...“you could be king”...)
(07:41:22 PM) blissful: and thats it
(07:41:33 PM) blissful: he takes it, and the rest follows
(07:41:40 PM) blissful: this is just like Satan's work, how he traps us
(07:41:48 PM) blissful: it is his suggestion
(07:41:55 PM) blissful: and our ego which accepts it, and acts upon it
(07:42:13 PM) blissful: and thats all it takes to make a nobleman with wife and loyal battle hero
(07:42:27 PM) blissful: into a treacherous murdering animal
(07:42:47 PM) blissful: on his own at the end
(07:43:07 PM) blissful: if he'd just ignored them there would have been nothin -he would have been happy, as he was at first

(07:43:12 PM) blissful: u see what I'm sayin?

* * *

conversations

Ego revisited

2008-08-28T18:23:00.004Z

Most major sins and conflicts which may appear in daily life are rooted in the ego, and based upon the fact that man is inwardly focussed and deeply absorbed in himself, at the expense of his appreciation of the outer realities and outside world.

In relations with God, particularly prayer, being self-focussed self-aware results in man being absorbed in his own thoughts and not paying attention to his words and acts. There is no communion with God in such prayers, as man has turned his attention inwards and made his own ego the focus of the time spent in the actions of worship. Those self focussed will be automatically inclined to please themselves in any given situation. For such people there is no pressing deterrent to committing sin if the immediate gains of the act are pleasing; as they have lost sight of God and do not act to please Him. The self-absorbed may dwell in a state of delusion about their sins, redefining what is good and evil according to their self-limited awareness and understanding, and begin to commit even great sins openly and without shame or realising how they are humiliating themselves. They may try to argue their stance to others as a form of self-justification, using superficial and subjective reasoning.

In the extreme, the self-absorbed person may commit terrible sins against God and his own soul openly, without shame, repentance or acknowledging his wrong.

Man in this state has taken his lower self as an idol before God, in a state diametrically opposed to the religious ideal of servitude and worship; humility and being God-focussed and God-aware.

This paragraph is a proof upon every soul, for the mirror it holds up for us. Who amongst us is free of this -- when on the other side are only
the 14 and His, who gave their selves up
for His sake

* * *

See yourself in it
Know Yourself
the Potential,
the reality.
. . .

Know Your Enemy

2008-08-16T14:55:00.003Z

* * *

And the Shaitan shall say after the affair is decided: Surely Allah promised you the promise of truth, and I gave you promises, then failed to keep them to you, and I had no authority over you, except that I called you and you obeyed me, therefore do not blame me but blame yourselves: I cannot be your aider (now) nor can you be my aiders; surely I disbelieved in your associating me with Allah before; surely it is the unjust that shall have the painful punishment.

Holy Quran, 14:22

* * *

(1) And when your Lord said to the angels: Surely I am going to create a mortal of the essence of black mud fashioned in shape.
So when I have made him complete and breathed into him of My spirit, fall down making obeisance to him.
So the angels made obeisance, all of them together,
(2) But Iblis (did it not); he refused to be with those who made obeisance.

He said: O Iblis! what excuse have you that you are not with those who make obeisance?

(3) He said: I am not such that I should make obeisance to a mortal whom Thou hast created of the essence of black mud fashioned in shape.

He said: Then get out of it, for surely you are driven away:
(4) And surely on you is curse until the day of judgment.

(5) He said: My Lord! then respite me till the time when they are raised.

He said: So surely you are of the respited ones
Till the period of the time made known.

(6) He said: My Lord! because Thou hast made life evil to me, I will certainly make (evil) fair-seeming to them on earth, and I will certainly cause them all to deviate
(7) Except Thy servants from among them, the devoted ones.

(8) He said: This is a right way with Me:
Surely. as regards My servants, you have no authority over them except those who follow you of the deviators.

And surely Hell is the promised place of them all:
It has seven gates; for every gate there shall be a separate party of them.
Surely those who guard (against evil) shall be in the midst of gardens and fountains:
Enter them in peace, secure.
And We will root out whatever of rancor is in their breasts-- (they shall be) as brethren, on raised couches, face to face.
Toil shall not afflict them in it, nor shall they be ever ejected from it.

Inform My servants that I am the Forgiving, the Merciful,
And that My punishment-- that is the painful punishment.

Holy Quran, 15:28-50

* * *

(1) History - past background
(2) disobedience, opposition to God & angels
(3) racism & arrogance -- Ego
(4) such is cursed and rejected
(5) the plot unfolds
(6) supreme disbelief: blaming Allah for his own sins
the promise to mislead mankind.
The manner of tricking us to sin: he makes evil appear good.
Know Your Enemy.
(7) the limits of his power -- you can be free
(8) the promise & the threat
Allah will help and protect the good
and He will punish the bad

and this is the setting for our lives.

* * *

lessons from daily 50,
16/08/08

The nemesis of Ego ...the true & ugly nature part III

2008-08-16T14:40:00.006Z

Humility Personified

The prophet Moses (as) is the Quranic example of humility personified, the only trait capable of opposing the supreme ego of Pharaoh and defeating it. Prophet Moses (as) was raised like a prince in the palace of Pharaoh, under the wing of one of the most self-centered and egotistical characters in the whole of history; yet remaining considerate and aware enough of the rights of others – even those of a lower class in society -- not to behave similarly. Instead of arrogance and the status of a living god which was set before him, Moses (as) humbly accepted his identity as one of the Bani Israel, the oppressed and humiliated slaves, referring to them as “his people”(5:20). When he came to the aid of one of his kinsmen and accidentally killed another man, Moses (as) immediately accepted the mistake of his actions with the words, “This is a work of Evil (Satan): for he is an enemy that manifestly misleads!” (28:15). He did not deny it, oppressing the victim further by concocting lies to blame the deceased, nor belittle the life taken using his standing in the house of Pharaoh to argue he was entitled to behave as he did. Moses (as) was considerate enough of people's rights and aware enough of the world to have firm belief in God before he met or became a prophet, knowing that by killing a man he had exceeded the limits of his position. He immediately begged repentance of Allah, acknowledging his error and immediately wishing to rectify his actions as best he could (28:16-7). Moses (as) did not expect or believe he deserved preferential treatment; he was respectful of the law, the rights of others, and was afraid of the consequences of his act, albeit unintentional (28:18, 28:21).

When he ran away, Moses (as) was not so arrogant as to believe that he could command sustenance or provide for himself through his own power, instead humbly placing his trust in God, the true provider, saying, “O my Lord! truly am I in (desperate) need of any good that Thou dost send me!” (28:24). Further, despite his difficult and distressing situation, the prophet Moses (as) was neither self-absorbed nor oblivious to the condition of others around him, and helped some ladies to water their flock without asking for a reward regardless of his need for it. This is the pinnacle of selfless behaviour – defeating even reactionary egotism and behaving with the utmost consideration instead: being aware of the lordship of God, and considering the situation of others even when your own is much worse, to the point of not asking for recompense even though you are in great need, and they may be able to provide it.

At the assumption of his prophethood, Moses (as) went into spontaneous prostration on the ground with his forehead in the dust, as an expression of his complete submissiveness and humility, being the first to do so amongst men. For his perfect humility, Allah awarded Moses (as) the honorable status of Kalim Allah – the only man ever to be directly spoken to by God, not through the means of revelation via angels. And in the fashion of true humility, the first reaction of Moses (as) to the news that he is a prophet of God is to regard his own worth as small compared to others, and ask for the assistance of his brother Aaron (as), who he considered to have eloquence and capabilities above his own (28:34).

Moses (as) had to stand his ground against the man who had been like a father to him, but did so without disrespect, nor showing egotism in his reactions and becoming a rival to Pharaoh by behaving in a manner similar to him. Instead he simply, humbly, carried out the orders of Allah; being unmoving in his principles, without spite, malice or injustice; asking for the release of the Bani Israel and the acceptance of all humans as equally worthy under the banner of servitude of God.

With the perfection of humility, man will ensure he never acts purely for his own gain to the detriment of others. He will ally himself with justice and the laws of God, encouraging considerate and moral behaviour through his actions, enjoining equality, justice and respect for all beings; promoting harmony, good relations and equity between all. The humble man will inspire love for himself in the hearts of the oppressed through honouring their rights, the respect and obedience of his fellow men for enjoining the unbiased and just truth which benefits them as well as he, and the unity of his society under his direction as a selfless champion for good and an honest servant of God.

The adoption of humility protects and establishes faith, familial and societal relations, respecting the rights of God and all men, uniting, safeguarding and elevating the status of mankind as a whole.

* * *

The Critical Point

Ego is the root of most social & religious ills. It results in unjust, amoral and inconsiderate behaviour. Adoption of humility not only preserves the spirit of religious duty, worship, and societal structure; but also safeguards the rights of individuals and forms the basis for strong, understanding and affectionate friendships and familial relations. Humble behaviour in practice manifests itself simply as good manners and respect for others. Those whose behaviour becomes characterised by their humility will become respected personalities, beloved leaders of men and devoted servants of God who establish His laws in the community. It is for this reason that considering the rights of God and others and having good manners are stressed so much in Islamic teachings; being the practical method through which the religious ideals are upheld.

It is for these reasons that ego and selfishness should be combated in all considerate human beings, particularly believers, who wish to respect the rights of others and the orders of God.

* * *

Summer '08

Ego by Example... the true & ugly nature part II

2008-07-10T20:25:00.004Z

Ego personified

There are two main examples of supremely egotistical people in the Quran, in the form of some of the most evil characters in history.

Iblees is the first. He refused to obey Allah out of arrogance: “(Iblis) said: "I am better than he: thou createdst me from fire, and him thou createdst from clay."” (38:76). He did not apologise or repent when Allah expelled him from the garden. He did not ask forgiveness like Adam and Eve, but instead asked for respite until the day of Judgement so that he could lead men astray out of even more spite (7:14-16; 15:36-40). He is the epitome of arrogance and blind pride, refusing to back down even when he suffers the greatest loss through his stance, never once repenting from the beginning of mankind's history until this day, even though he had been warned of the punishment for disobedience (7:18). In true self-absorbed fashion, he refuses to acknowledge his own accountability for his devious acts, in his arrogance even accusing Allah of leading him astray.

“He said: My Lord! Because Thou hast sent me astray...” (15:39)

Becoming self-focussed and behaving in an arrogant and selfish fashion is to behave like Iblees, and behaving as he would wish mankind to. It is tantamount to worship of Satan.

“"Did I not enjoin on you, O ye Children of Adam, that ye should not worship Satan; for that he was to you an enemy avowed? - and that ye should worship Me, (for that) this was the Straight Way?” (36:60-61)

* * *

The second is the Pharaoh of Moses (as). He was the most egotistical and arrogant man, claiming he was god, refusing to accept the truth despite the clear miracles brought by Moses – the staff, his hand, the 7 plagues and parting of the sea; “And they said( to Moses): Whatever sign you may bring to us to charm us with it-- we will not believe in you” (7:132). Despite the truth clearly appearing before him, he turned his face from it and insisted upon falsehood. When Moses first brought the miracle of the staff, he refused to accept it and sent for the most learned magicians in his kingdom. When the magicians saw the miracle of Moses and immediately knew the truth of his message and submitted to it, Pharaoh not only refused to do the same, but threatened the magicians with torture and death (7:123-4). He stubbornly denied and rejected all but his own preferred version of reality, reverting to his unbelief despite having to ask Moses to pray to God to lift the plagues (7:134-5).

“Then he (Pharaoh) said, “I am your lord, the most high”. So Allah seized him with the punishment of the hereafter and the former life.” (79:24-5)

* * *

Ego in Reactions

It is not necessarily the case that a person is always egotistical, nor always considerate and selfless. Through various times of a person's life they may adopt either approach, and one should not think that they are completely free of egotistical behaviour simply because most of the time they behave considerately. By the same token, one should not consider a person completely egotistical and self-centered based on their behaviour at any given time. It may be that the usually caring and attentive mother snaps at her child because she was interrupted in the middle of a dangerous task.

In times of difficulty or distraction the ego is more likely to take over and cause bad behaviour, for example when stressed, worried, in physical or emotional pain, concentrating on a difficult task or rushing to meet a deadline. In these cases, albeit temporarily, our attention is greatly diverted to the matter at hand, and can result in inconsiderate or bad behaviour to those around us. We should understand, even when so preoccupied, that others still deserve respect and consideration regardless of the situation we find ourselves in.

Ego may also take over when we are faced with what we see as undeserved obnoxious or unfair treatment from another person. In times like this the most common reflex reaction is to meet like with like, and reflect a bad attitude back to the person who has offended us. This may take the form of accusations or abuse, refusing to acknowledge our bad deeds, refusal to apologise, behaving more stubbornly than usual, refusing to compromise or discuss the matter – all severely egotistical behaviour, employed simply because this is the standard set by the other party. Although we have not initiated the conflict in this case, we should not see our behaviour as justified: a person may have infringed upon our right to be treated with fairness and dignity, but it is equally an infringement of their rights for us not to behave so towards them. Reacting badly in an instant destroys the channels of communication and apology, whereas a little consideration of the possible reasons for the bad behaviour of the other party could lead to dialogue and resolution of the conflict, with the dignity of all intact. When faced with kindness or humility in the face of their bad behaviour, people who are usually considerate but facing some form of difficulty would most likely be prompted to examine their behaviour, apologise and rectify it; thereby restoring respectful societal relations.

Ego on the part of both someone suffering and someone ill-treated by one who is suffering, damages their relationships with each other, closes the channels of communication, ends friendships, promotes malice and lack of understanding; ultimately causing rifts between people and thereby degrading the fabric of the community.

The adoption of egotism destroys faith, familial and societal relations, denies rights and humiliates mankind as a whole.

* * *

to remember -- watch that ego
you are not free of it
May '08.

The true and ugly nature of Ego

2008-07-06T15:05:00.006Z

Most major sins and conflicts which may appear in daily life are rooted in the ego, and based upon the fact that man is inwardly focussed and deeply absorbed in himself, at the expense of his appreciation of the outer realities and outside world.

In relations with God, particularly prayer, being self-focussed self-aware results in man being absorbed in his own thoughts and not paying attention to his words and acts. There is no communion with God in such prayers, as man has turned his attention inwards and made his own ego the focus of the time spent in the actions of worship. Those self focussed will be automatically inclined to please themselves in any given situation. For such people there is no pressing deterrent to committing sin if the immediate gains of the act are pleasing; as they have lost sight of God and do not act to please Him. The self-absorbed may dwell in a state of delusion about their sins, redefining what is good and evil according to their self-limited awareness and understanding, and begin to commit even great sins openly and without shame or realising how they are humiliating themselves. They may try to argue their stance to others as a form of self-justification, using superficial and subjective reasoning.

In the extreme, the self-absorbed person may commit terrible sins against God and his own soul openly, without shame, repentance or acknowledging his wrong.

Man in this state has taken his lower self as an idol before God, in a state diametrically opposed to the religious ideal of servitude and worship; humility and being God-focussed and God-aware.

In relations with others, the self-focussed person will be oblivious to the state of those around him. He will inconvenience or spite them unintentionally, as it is outside his nature to consider their needs or situation. He will dismiss the impact of tragedies in the lives of others; being unable to see himself in their position and so understand their suffering. However, he will be quick to take exception at small things others may do (intentionally or not so) which he feels are burdensome or offensive to him. He will be oblivious to his own deeds which may affect others similarly, and will likely become offended or start acting with hostility if confronted over his actions – in which he perceives no wrong. Due to this mental state, self-focussed people will seldom see their own mistakes in a conflict situation. They will consider themselves victims, will never apologise nor initiate reconciliation, and will only accept the apology of the other party after long persuasion in which those apologising party cannot in any way defend their past actions. The self-focussed person will cause a great deal of emotional pain and difficulties for their loved ones often without realising, straining familial relationships perhaps even to breaking point.

In the extreme, the self-absorbed person may commit terrible crimes and injustices against other people or society in general, without hesitation, regret or acknowledging his wrong.

Man in this state has taken himself as a king above all others. He decides his comfort, happiness and pleasure are much more real and worthy of consideration than that of others, which he cannot appreciate and so dismisses. Such behaviour, even if not intentional or based on malice, destroys the foundation of societal structure and the larger religious ideal of a harmonious and moralistic community, through removing the mutual consideration members of society must have for each other for its basic function.

* * *

learnt the hard way -- from experience
May '08

home is where...

2008-06-10T05:33:00.007Z

how soft,
the distant memory
once more rises,
of a time and place between heaven and earth
robed in dancing shadows and light,

so perfect like
a dream it was, I forgot

was it ever real?
did we ever go?

there are times when I no longer know

O world, turn back again then cease
hold still for me those moments,
in which my heart was whole

as all that remains now to say they were
is their empty place

and the fall of my tears.

* * *

missing ziarah
10/06/08.

the Dawn of a new Era

2008-04-05T15:13:00.000Z

... otherwise known as, the message of the Prophet (saw) to Visionaries & Great Men.

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday...

Kahlil Gibran

In history we have occasionally seen times of great conflict, which have borne revolutions that have shaped the face of the world to come; according to the will of men who desire, and act upon that. Generations give their lives and blood fighting to establish an ideal, and succeed at long last - if not for themselves, for their children to see. This new generation -- born into the dream of the last but without any of the pain or struggle needed to appreciate it -- are often lost trying to fill the shoes of their parents, or rebelling against the confines of the order they find themselves in, through no choice of their own. This is the situation in modern Iran, in the wake of the Islamic Revolution.

Perhaps a revolution is needed in every generation; the men of each new time striving to establish their own identity, building upon the dreams of their fathers in a direction suited to their own time, setting their own eyes on a goal then struggling to earn their own victory -- & through this, value its worth.

Those who would establish a good & great nation, after the decline of that of the past, are shown the path to tread by the visionary of visionaries & world-changers before them -- the Last Prophet (saw). They must walk in his footsteps in a way more closely than others. He walked out the path they too must take, to build their own promised land, now the glory of the past has faded, crumbled and begun to decay.

How to be the change you wish to see in the world, and through it inspire that change -- define yourself through:

FAITH -- solid, unshakable; gaze firmly fixed on the goal, every second passed with a view to reaching it

LOVE & GENTLENESS -- make this the hallmark of your character, it will be the key to unlocking hearts

NOBILITY -- truth, honesty, good -- reflect the best in humanity towards all in humanity

PERSEVERANCE -- upon these 3, hold firm patience in the long pursuit of the goal, show love & kindness to those who harm you, behave nobly even with those who cheat and betray.

If you can do this -- unfailingly be what you hope to see in others, gentle in approach, unmoving in ideals --

you could awaken minds & hearts, which upon the same love will converge
and build, from trickle to tidal wave, to shape the face of the world.

* * *

31/3/08
with thanks

It has been...

2008-04-03T22:51:00.004Z

... an age since I last opened those doors, out onto the pinching cold icy-clear night. Too long since I breathed in once more & forced the blurred distance into focus... I see no one else around, but know there must be others and we are all under the same, blue sky... into the chill, I call

Is anybody out there?

please, make yourself known!

the Heart of the Quran

2008-03-19T23:07:00.007Z

What is the heart of the Quran, the core sentiment, the spirit from which all else flows?

The chapter Ya Seen is called the heart of the Quran.
The heart of Ya Seen can be summed up in 4 of its words.

يَا حَسْرَةً عَلَى الْعِبَادِ

"Ah! Alas for (My) Servants!"

Ya Seen, 36:30

* * *

The story of Ya Seen starts by the Wise Quran, His reassuring and loving words to His Messenger, and the promise of guidance for the whole of creation.

"Ya Sin.
By the Qur'an, full of Wisdom,-
Thou art indeed one of the apostles,
On a Straight Way.
It is a Revelation sent down by (Him), the Exalted in Might, Most Merciful."

36:1-5

His guidance, given out of love and mercy, to be a warning for a people whose fathers were not guided and remained blindly unaware; part of His perpetual grace & mercy to us, never giving up on ever-rejecting, ignorant and arrogant man.

The narrative continues, He sends prophets, good men & warners to mankind, who are arrogantly rejected & killed. The story reflects the entire history of the world, which is coloured through His efforts for our benefit, and our stubborn rejection of them.

and yet, instead of giving up on us, He feels sorrow for us. He laments our states. He loves us still!

Instead of the deserved curse, He says

"Ah! Alas for (My) Servants!"

This is the heart of the Quran,

and its sentiment.

* * *

To follow, He pleads with us through His signs to look at perished nations, to observe & reflect upon the majesty of nature, asking us to do good, warning us of the inevitable punishment - retribution for our bad deeds, telling us not to worship satan -- all this, before finally reminding us gently, softly, this admonition is all for our sakes. He is free from all need, having all power with just a word, "Be".

.فَسُبْحَانَ الَّذِي بِيَدِهِ مَلَكُوتُ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

Glory to Him, He holds all & to Him we return.

* * *

17 Feb '08

Ridah

2008-03-18T18:49:00.007Z

There was a new camera I really wanted... a DSLR, one of the more expensive ones. I don't want many things, but this was one of the few I really did. For years I had been toying with the idea of buying one, repeatedly getting close enough to have got my credit card out, then pulling back at the last minute. I could find the money if needed alhamdulillah, but I could never justify the cost... even with discount packages I was looking at the best part of a grand, and no matter how many plans I might make to generate income from it, I could never shake the feeling that it was an extravagance. It would be the most money I had ever spent, aside from on travel - almost twice the cost of my first car (a banger, but it got me from A to B for over a year).

I knew spending so much was way outside my comfort zone but still, I really, really wanted it. Probably more than I'd wanted any material thing before.

A few weeks ago I decided to stop messing about and just buy the camera. I had just wanted it for so long, and knew I would get some beautiful shots even if I did nothing with them. Up to this point I had been using my cameraphone, not even a decent digital camera. I started reading reviews online for the latest models, bought "What Digital Camera" magazine and started shopping around for the best deals. I also asked a friend and fellow photography enthusiast for advice, oj - who had been encouraging me to buy a proper camera for a very long time. I found the site I was going to order from, got my credit card ready and took a deep breath.

I don't know why, but just then it crossed my mind to take an istikhara. I take them often, particularly to reassure me (against my impetuous nature) that I am not doing something stupid - something which would displease Allah. I left the computer on at the checkout page, and performed the istekhara. The result was,

"And if you turn away from them to seek mercy from your Lord, which you hope for, speak to them a gentle word."

-- Al Isra', 17:28

As soon as I read the first few words, I started to smile. I had a suspicion this meant not buying the camera could amount to pursuit of the pleasure and mercy of Allah; and if so I knew what my choice would have to be... but it wasn't immediately clear if that was the case. I knew I would do what I had to if I had to, but I can't deny the reluctance to give up something I loved which I felt when I first read the reply; I wanted to make absolutely sure I understood the kheira first.

I prayed again, saying how much I wanted it, but also that I would resolve to give it up if I was certain of the meaning. I opened the Quran again hoping I'd been mistaken and got another verse, one which I was confused by and couldn't understand the relevance of. I had a strong feeling with the first verse that I had been given my answer, so tried to find it again to re-read it in context in the hope that I would understand it better. I found the passage again easily and read the verse again, then the few before it.

"Your Lord knows best what is in your minds; if you are good, then He is surely Forgiving to those who turn (to Him) frequently. And give to the near of kin his due and (to) the needy and the wayfarer, and do not squander wastefully. Surely the squanderers are the fellows of the Shaitans and the Shaitan is ever ungrateful to his Lord...

-- Al Isra' 17:25-7

And there was my answer, in full. I'd wanted to know if buying the camera was the best course of action to take, and had pushed for a specific answer in the past, above and beyond confirmations of its permissibility. This was it, I had to swallow the little selfish "me" inside which wanted the camera so badly and pull my heart off what I had set it upon, unless I wanted to choose the pursuit of these fleeting worldly pleasures over the one thing I had always said mattered most to me. The matter was settled. I comforted myself with the thought that I could get a nice compact digital camera instead.

I smiled once more as I read the original verse again.

And if you turn away from them to seek mercy from your Lord, which you hope for, speak to them a gentle word."

My final thoughts were about the words, "speak to them a gentle word". At first I couldn't see their relevance but now I realised the advice I was being given, as my thoughts faded to leave the only thing about my decision which now worried me:

oj was gonna kill me.

I'm sorry man, I hope you understand.

* * *

5th March '08

"Those who know me, know me

2008-03-06T21:51:00.013Z

and those of you who don't know me, then I will tell you who I am ..."

There you have it. The best introduction in all recorded history. If all the literary geniuses in the world were to converge upon writing a single opening sentence for a character, their combined efforts over decades could not surpass this one - more perfect still, these words were first delivered in spontaneous speech.

These have to be some of the most powerful opening lines ever uttered. Immediately they command the situation, silencing the audience and preparing in them an air of attention and awe towards the speaker. So rarely have so few words been expertly combined as these, to convey such impact and influence upon the audience.

Tomes upon tomes can be written about the excellence of this line.

Now picture these words coming from a young man; shackled around the neck, wrists and hands; bleeding, scratched, cut, his torn clothes and body covered in dust and weathered through weeks and weeks of hard travel in the unforgiving desert heat; exhausted through physical weakness and the weight of his emotional ordeal, etched in the tear-tracks through the dirt on his face. Behind him stand a small party of shackled women and children, in much the same pitiable state; not a one without the veil torn from her head, the clothes torn from her back; cowering from the gazes of their captors and spectators who have come to make sport of their sorrow. Before them on spears are paraded the heads of their beloved brothers, fathers, friends and even children, all of whom had been mercilessly slain.

Picture these words as they were delivered... to be the only shield to protect the oppressed captives from their captors and tormentors. Picture the anticipation and hope against hope amongst the small, weary band, knowing the weight of these words carried not only their own fate, but the fate of the entire future of Islam.

These words were delivered to so-called muslims:
the aggressors, the captors

from the captured -- the son of Hussein (as),
grandson of Lady Zahra and Imam Ali (as),
great-grandson of their very own Prophet (saw).

Ali ibn al Hussein (as) made his stand.

And by Allah, he let them know who he was.

"... I am the son of Mecca and Mina. I am the son of Zamzam and Safa. I am the son of he who gave Zakat to the poor. I am the son of the best of those who have ever put on Ihram and performed ceremonies of Hajj. I am the son of he who was taken on the night journey from house of Allah to the Mosque of Aqsa and then to Miraj. I am the son of he who was taken around by Gibrael to the Lote-tree of the boundary (Sidratul Muntaha).

"I am the son of Muhammad Mustafa (S.A.WW). I am the son of Ali Al-Murtaza who fought the polytheists in the battle till they submitted to Islam and fought in the presence of the Prophet until his sword was broken and to whom Zulfikar was given. I am the son of he who had the honour to migrate twice in Islam. I am the son of Fatima the best women of the world..."

* * *

Mar '08
with thanks

The role of the state in internet censorship

2008-03-05T13:54:00.014Z

Some of you may have noticed a link on the left hand side of this place to my Flickr account. Yesterday as I was idly browsing I came across the photostream of someone living in Iran - and in it, this photo. And he wasn't the only one complaining, I found more images along the same lines from other members. Although I was vaguely aware that Iran filtered websites, I was surprised -- but then I remembered the trouble a friend of mine in Iran recently had, again with access to the relatively harmless* and rather fun Flickr, and randomly, Statcounter.

The Problem

I sympathise with their frustration. At my place of work internet access is filtered -- and it is not only pointless but completely hampers any legitimate use of the net. Search engines are practically useless because many of the results are blocked, research and literature searches are nearly impossible (medical papers will contain reference to certain parts of anatomy which the filters seem to think makes them pornographic), and stupidly enough a heck of a lot of inappropriate (in terms of work) sites like YouTube and MSN seem to get past the filters.

I'm not saying the reasons for filtering websites at work are not valid; after all nobody thinks its acceptable to spend the whole day at work on forums or shopping online -- but you need to give people their freedom too. Who cares if someone checks their email or reads the paper online in their lunch hour? Or if they need to find out the cost of sending a parcel right before they head for the Post Office on their way home? Apparently, my employer does. Even though the activity is innocent, costs them nothing and is completely within allocated breaks, they insist that it shouldn't be allowed. Its just this narrow-minded and overbearing attitude that breeds dissent. All in all, the shortcomings of the filtering process and policy has stirred up a lot of ill-feeling towards the IT department & higher management.

And this is just filtering at work. I would not be impressed at all (to say the least!) if I had to face the same thing at home.

On the Other Hand...

The issue as I see it is that Iran is an Islamic country with rules and social etiquettes largely defined by this identity. And lord knows, a heck of a lot of the stuff on the internet is not Islam-friendly. I can't count the number of times I have done an innocent Google search and come across a wildly inappropriate and completely irrelevant site within the results -- once I searched for an old DOS game by typing "Daggerfall" (the title), and nearly fell off my chair when half way down the screen there was a link to what seemed like a pornographic site, possibly involving paedophilia (this is based on the description, I didn't click the link!). Adding the word "download" to practically any search seems to give similar results -- even with safe search on. The image search suffers from similar drawbacks, I've been traumatised too many times through inappropriate freak-show type images popping up on my screen even though I try to take measures to avoid them. One of my friends father was surfing some university site which had been hacked, and got redirected to some porno site where 100 revolting pop-ups filled his screen, much to his horror. Most of us users of the net in the "free world" have had some kind of experience like this.

After all, the owners of such sites want to increase their traffic and so will tag their sites with hundreds and hundreds of words which may not be relevant at all: but will improve their chances of popping up on a search. This tagging, sadly, also has the potential to confuse filters. Amongst the other crud of the Internet we haven't yet covered chatrooms, which are known to be a hangout for paedophiles to try and lure children into meeting them offline: the British Home Office has recently launched a campaign to address the dangers of this. Couple this with the viruses, malicious emails, piracy and groups which promote illegal and deviant behaviour, and there you have it: one hell of an argument to filter the net -- to make it safe to use for people of all ages including children, and nice normal people who don't want to be bombarded by viruses, adverts and porn; and who don't want to give potential serial killers, rapists, paedophiles and other criminals the chance to learn, encourage each other or convene. It is a fact that the internet has become a recruiting ground for many of these criminal groups.

Many people in the UK and US, amongst them my relatives who have pre-teen children, have invested in some form of personal internet filtering software such as CyberPatrol, and blocked pretty much everything except a few children's sites they know and trust. Speaking from personal experience for the reasons outlined previously, there is no way I would let a young child in my care access the internet in its entirety. Children are impressionable and known for their curiosity; exposure to the worst the internet has to offer may develop illicit interests in them will likely have a serious adverse effect on the social, religious and personal development of the child. In terms of society at large, the net - like television and computer games - can desensitise people towards certain behaviour. Films and video games are age-rated to give some level of protection to vulnerable and impressionable individuals, but of course the internet has no parallel in this. A call for freedom is one thing, but I don't think the majority would argue this means giving everybody full access to everything.

The role of the State

As an intelligent adult, there is no doubt a part of me that would resent censorship by the state: particularly given that I don't agree with a lot of what my country of residence does. But there is another side of me which does want some limits, some form of curbing of the descent of the internet into a fetid swamp of crime, malicious activity and smut (article: the internet will become unusable by 2008). And if you ask me if I would rather raise children in the UK or in Iran, my answer will be Iran about a thousand times over - Flickr or no Flickr.

So what should the role of the state be? Should we expect full access of the internet wherever we are and leave filtering as a responsibility of the individual, even though the effects of this freedom with irresponsible individuals may increase the dangers in our society? Should we expect the state to filter some content to protect the casual surfer, and if so, how -- the issue is that filtering mechanisms are far from perfect and will undoubtedly block some legitimate sites while allowing inappropriate ones anyway - but is this inconvenience better than the alternative? Should we have progressive filtering, where individuals can petition to open access to certain sites which may have been filtered incorrectly (as at my place of work, although there is a very inconvenient delay of days to weeks before the site becomes unblocked). Or should we just ban the internet altogether? (Just kidding!)

The question is not an easy one to answer, but one which needs to be addressed. There must be some middle ground whereby us moralistic Flickr users can have our cake, and eat it too.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/salehoffline/41107653/

* * *

* Flickr is fine as long as you don't actively look for bad photos.
Mar '08

The crux of my experience:: the way to progress

2008-03-04T15:52:00.003Z

Throughout my few years so far in religion, this effort represents the sum total of my observations and realisations in relation to spiritual progression.

* * *

Spiritual development has often been likened to physical development. If one wishes to become stronger, fitter and more able they must undertake a routine amount of exercise. The truth of this statement is comprehensive, I have come to realise following many episodes of trial and error.

Points to notice:

A good exercise routine comprises of small, basic exercises which are repeated daily, once every few days or weekly at the least. The body will not show any benefit from infrequent or irregular exercise even if it is a large or difficult activity. Athletes do not run marathons once a month and do nothing in between – they train daily.

The body gets fatigued after a period of continuous exercise, and further exercise after this point does more harm than good. The effect of this is cumulative – such that for the first day one may cope but after a week of the same activities fatigue may have set in, and injuries compounded. Once fatigued the body will require a rest period in order to recover, and may take long to return to its previous state without any long-term benefit to the strenuous activity undertaken. Athletes do not run marathons daily, they perform tasks which are completed in a shorter time, are less strenuous, and leave them feeling exerted but not pushed to their limits.

Athletes do not train on injuries, they train around them. They allow time for the particular injury to heal before they force exertion which could further damage them. They train not when they are fatigued and close to their limits, but when they are comfortable, fit and in the right frame of mind and body to take benefit from their workout.

Given this advice (that you should not train to the maximum of your capabilities lest you become fatigued and require a long recovery, and that instead you should train when comfortable, capable and happy), you should not think this exempts you from any effort except the bare minimum obligatory. If you are physically fit and there is no negative consequence that may arise from the training, you should make yourself perform your daily programme. Athletes do not just forget training when they can’t be bothered – they train their base desires to submit to their will to succeed – you MUST make a daily effort if you want to progress at all. Athletes make themselves train but monitor themselves throughout, and stop when injury becomes likely to happen.

(3 & 4 form two ends of a continuum which man is constantly moving within. We need to watch ourselves closely throughout our lives for signs that we are nearing either of these two extremes – and take corrective action when we approach them.)

The exercises performed routinely should encompass small exertions to strengthen the various parts in which you would like to improve. Athletes choose their training routine with an eye to the muscles they would like to strengthen – the ones which they will need in order to strive towards their goal. We should choose the prayers, supplications and other religious activities we perform according to the aspects of our spirit we would like to work on.

Athletes assess their weaknesses and work on them the most. They choose their training routines to iron out the flaws in their delivery, concentrating on their weak points until they are as good as everything else.

Athletes structure their day around their long-term goal. They organise a strict timetable which incorporates times for them to perform all necessary activities such as eating, sleeping, time with friends and family; and makes best use of their day to maximise the effectiveness of their training. They eat, sleep and socialise around their exercise, which is the focus of their day. They eat that which will enable them to train better and grow stronger. They sleep when it is best for their training, and for as long as it takes to replenish but not longer. They do not waste time. This explains how work, socialising, eating and sleeping can become worship, if completed only to the extent required within life, and when it is best for training: the entire day is spent either training or preparing the circumstances needed to train.

Being only human, there are times when we may give in to our desires and stop training, or eat that entire chocolate fudge cake. After this we feel very guilty, and often become demoralised and stop training altogether. This hampers our overall progress even further – momentary lapses are unavoidable but not very damaging as long as one perseveres after them and keeps the efforts up. Athletes try to avoid things that will negatively affect their training, but if they do happen to fall into one they do not give up afterwards, they keep training and make up for the fall.

Don’t look at the worlds strongest man when you fist start training, and get discouraged thinking you will never become as good as him. Take small steps, set yourself small intermediate goals, assess yourself according to those and your own progress ONLY. Every journey of 1000 miles starts with a single step.

keep going forward even with a limping leg – Imam Khomeini

things from the book, “Smart Girls Do Dumbells”:

- don’t feel guilty for skipping a day, keep on the day after
- something is better than nothing: even if it wasn’t what you had planned in its entirety – do whatever you can and don’t feel bad
- monitor your abilities well: document your start level thoroughly then compare your new results after 2 weeks, 4 weeks, 6 weeks etc. Any changes you notice will make you feel better and encourage you to work harder – keep thinking about the GOAL
- be patient with the programme: you won’t lose weight unless you exercise pretty much every day
- change the routine somewhat between days to avoid getting bored with the repetition – but keep efforts small and controlled
- power is nothing without control – do exercises RIGHT 5 times instead of WRONG 100 times, if you want to benefit

* * *

Jan/Feb '08

"و لكن لا يوم مثل يومك ... يا ابا عبد الله ..."

2008-02-28T10:23:00.010Z

40 days on

From the time of his birth or before
they knew his final fate
& carried its immense burden in their breasts
each time they saw him smile
or stumble on toddler's unsteady feet and begin to cry

How their hearts must have ached
at the pressure of this crushing, silent weight
overshadowing each sunny day as he was raised
knowing, each time they ran to protect him
they could not protect him at the hardest time to come

"My dear one", they must have said
"You have a status with Allah you will not attain
except through martyrdom"
& steeled & groomed him as best they could,
then one by one left their baby, & with him their hearts

They watched history unfold on burning sands, with baited breath
in floods of tears & heavy grief, but immense, immense pride
as he fulfilled his destiny, alone
& returned softly to their welcoming arms,
to take his promised place.

* * *

* * *

the Arba'een
Feb '08

"There is nothing more certain than...

2008-02-25T23:56:00.004Z

... Death."

~~ Rest in peace, sister Aaliyah.

* * *

footprint //duas
Feb '08

Demons

2008-02-16T11:08:00.006Z

to start the journey I must pull away from all which pulls me back... back into myself, retreating to the safe comfort where the scratches can't hurt. To run away I must pull free of the tangle of chains, which has only bound me because I let it. It is time to own and overpower it, instead of it owning me.

the sweet silent words still ring in my ear...

* * *

Again when the tide is at its lowest & the night moonless, pitch black, the mercies of Allah find me, through His rope extending from the heavens.

* * *

" They said: Are you indeed Yusuf?

He said: I am Yusuf
and this is my brother;
Allah has indeed been gracious to us..."

Holy Quran, 12:90

Yusuf, who had no less than half of all existing beauty.

Beauty has many forms: immediately the many petals of the story begin to unfold.

He had beauty of character; in his life he had been subjected to a great deal of suffering, pain & hardship at the hands of his family - the ones who were supposed to protect, shelter & support him - who instead inflicted the worst blows and betrayal; and yet he grew not bitter & resentful of them.
He had been left destitute, & his trust in Allah was a beauty.
His loyalty, obedience and gratitude to the Aziz was a beauty; his chastity and abstinence in the face of great temptation was a beauty.
His courage and patience in prison was a beauty, his piety in preferring a jail cell to the temptation of sin was beauty.
His humility was a beauty,
his justice and equity in meting out the grain was beauty,
his wisdom & good counsel for the king was beauty --

-- all types of beauty of spirit and form were manifested in him,
and for his efforts in that, Allah arranged his affair.

The beauty of Yusuf (as) culminates in this verse -- his reunion with his brothers, & the highest flower of perfection of his divine beauty --

his forgiveness of them, for all they had done.

Nabi Yusuf (as) was unlike many prophets in his situation - but is much more like us all through it - and so is a guiding beacon & radiant example of the way we should try to live our lives.

The verse closes with his longed-for happy ending, & the words --

"...surely he who guards (against evil) and is patient (is rewarded)
for surely Allah does not waste the reward of those who do good."

* * *
.
.

overcome
your
demons::

Forgive.

.
.

the problem with my perception

2007-12-11T20:44:00.000Z

For the longest time, I had considered reality to be grounded in the sense-perceived, material universe; and what is beyond that to be some deeper reality, albeit closer to truth.

The problem I had with that was in finding the motivation to pull away from what was still a reality, to move to the next.

What is actually the case, is this base state grounded in sensory perception of the material

is not reality.

it is not real. it is illusory, fleeting, wildly inaccurate or at best incomplete.

The journey is actually from the state of delusion, to the only thing that is real.

who in their right mind would be happy within a permanent dream state, no matter how good?

you should remember the illusion, when faced with the pull.

self-deception
is never welcome
with one who seeks Truth

By staring at the red light, becoming engrossed in its colour and form you lose sight of what it signifies - the impending danger, which should occupy your attention instead.

The danger is what is real - the red light, neither here nor there.

* * *

with thanks to
Light Within Me

beginnings:: muddled

2007-12-10T23:42:00.000Z

what is this life
that i cling to
what meaning does it have,
comfortable as it is?

when all is said and done, what will remain
of this pulling, warm, oblivious stupour...
drunk on life, foggy-headed
I fight within myself

alice calls desperately "wake up!"
against the sweet soothing lul
torn between the choices, my weak resolve scatters
lost, muddled, I sit,
not knowing down from up.

* * *

FAITH

2007-12-08T22:50:00.001Z

what is the purpose of faith
faith is just to believe
in what is there
what is there irrespective of belief

faith is to know
what reality is
but what would you do with that knowledge?

to learn for its own sake splutters and stalls
in the face of drawn-out journeying
it is not motivation enough

so
what is motivation
what is the reason
to improve & learn?

the world is reasonless
except for
the all-penetrating, endless
breath of the divine which holds it
and gives it shape

if you search
it should only be
for this breath

if you search
it will only be
for your own sake

what is around you?

better understand it to know
what it is worth pursuing
knowledge of.

He
loves

YOU

How to Strengthen your Iman

2007-11-04T20:51:00.002Z

Ayatullah Ja'far Subhani, Imam of the Friday Prayers at the Sayeda Masuma haram in Qum, was asked how young people in the west might go about increasing their iman.

His answer was simple. He told us:

There are three things you should do.
Pray at the very first time of the prescribed time for prayers

Read at least a quarter of a Juz' of Quran every day

Carry a notepad with you wherever you go, and record your bad deeds throughout the day. At the end of the day review what you have written, and ask forgiveness for the sins you have committed.

* * *

The Start of Faith: Establishing your beliefs beyond any doubt
The way to progress
Seeking knowledge of God, above and beyond any other form of knowledge

* * *

Nahjul Balaghah sermon 1: what is it to Deny God Attributes?
To Deny Him Attributes II
To Deny Him Attributes III

* * *

Ideas from the book "Man & Destiny":: Virtual
Virtual II
Virtual III
Virtual IV

* * *

Qum, Iran
August 2006

Invitations & Welcomes

2007-08-30T18:16:00.000Z

When the door opens, know that the owner of the house has opened it for you. If you choose to come, it is possible through their permission and not otherwise. Don't let shame & self-awareness make you forget -- it is not on your own merit for you to feel deep & uncomfortable shame at its lack; it has always been at the grace and mercy of the resident.

The scholar-prince of believers invited you first - before all, before you yourself were his follower. His speciality in thought, answers in the face of abundant & colourful ideologies, his rational & logical approaches, historical & narrated through his fathers, his diplomacy, wisdom & means & method of survival & habitation amongst unbelievers & class society, his humility & maintenance of the perfection of Islamic behaviour despite plots & hostility -- this Imam who first called, & has called as many times as the Prophet, held lessons for your situation; an example & guide for your life. Your delay in realisation did not prevent his re-invitation, & his gentle beckon remains, sweeter than ever, ready for your approach.

Hand picked by him are his visitors - like flowers. This son of the Prophet is my Imam: he watches over me, teaches me, & draws me close when I need him, if I am willing to come.

* * *

Iran, Mashhad
July 07

On Mercy:: Dua Kumayl

2007-08-27T22:11:00.000Z

what weighs on your heart, which you fear the consequences of -- that abandonment to the cold & dark loneliness of doubt or disbelief - that isolation & lack of comfort, support & guidance which you need to progress -- that without which you fear withering death & suffering with a burning heart...

This
is known to Allah,
& leaving a believer so distressed
-- no matter their sins --
is not consistent with His mercy.

He is the One who quells the flames,
& makes them coolness & peace.

He is the One
Who would not leave -- by His Greatness & Mercy --
A believer, expectant & calling for Him.

What you fear
will not happen.

* * *

in His name - the Merciful, the Great.
First Dua Kumayl in Mashhad, Iran
July 2007.

On His Lordship, & our servitude

2007-07-14T20:00:00.000Z

On the authority of Abu Dharr Al-Ghafari, of the prophet is that among the sayings he relates from his Lord is that He said:

"O My servants, I have forbidden oppression for Myself and have made it forbidden amongst you, so do not oppress one another.

O My servants, all of you are astray except for those I have guided, so seek guidance of Me and I shall guide you. O My servants, all of you are hungry except for those I have fed, so seek food of Me and I shall feed you. O My servants, all of you are naked except for those I have clothed, so seek clothing of Me and I shall clothe you. O My servants, you sin by night and by day, and I forgive all sins, so seek forgiveness of Me and I shall forgive you.

O My servants, you will not attain harming Me so as to harm Me, and you will not attain benefiting Me so as to benefit Me. O my servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to become as pious as the most pious heart of any one man of you, that would not increase My kingdom in anything. O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to be as wicked as the most wicked heart of any one man of you, that would not decrease My kingdom in anything. O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to rise up in one place and make a request of Me, and were I to give everyone what he requested, that would not decrease what I have, any more than a needle decreases the sea if put into it.

O My servants, it is but your deeds that I reckon up for you and then recompense you for, so let him who finds good praise Allah, and let him who finds other than that blame no one but himself."

* * *

Allah the Almighty has said: "O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it."

* * *

with thanks to
the Supreme Lord,
the Most Kind.

virtual IV

2007-07-14T19:17:00.000Z

Conclusions:

[Know this,] so that you may not despair over whatever [good] has escaped you nor exult [unduly] over whatever [good] has come to you... (57:23)

* * *

"Young man, I shall teach you some words [of advice] : Be mindful of Allah, and Allah will protect you. Be mindful of Allah, and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, ask of Allah; if you seek help, seek help of Allah.

Know that if the Nation were to gather together to benefit you with anything, it would benefit you only with something that Allah had already prescribed for you, and that if they gather together to harm you with anything, they would harm you only with something Allah had already prescribed for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried."

and in another version,

"..Be mindful of Allah, you will find Him before you. Get to know Allah in prosperity and He will know you in adversity. Know that what has passed you by was not going to befall you; and that what has befallen you was not going to pass you by. And know that victory comes with patience, relief with affliction, and ease with hardship."

* * *

Allah the Almighty has said: "Who soever shows enmity to a friend of Mine, I shall be at war with him. My servant does not draw near to Me with anything more loved by Me than the religious duties I have imposed upon him, and My servant continues to draw near to Me with supererogatory works so that I shall love him. When I love him I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes, and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask [something] of Me, I would surely give it to him and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it."

* * *

"Purity is half of faith. alhamdu-lillah [Praise be to Allah] fills the scales, and subhana-Allah [How far is Allah from every imperfection] and alhamdu-lillah [Praise be to Allah] fill that which is between heaven and earth. Prayer is light; charity is a proof; patience is illumination; and the Quran is an argument for or against you. Everyone starts his day and is a vendor of his soul, either freeing it or bringing about its ruin."

* * *
with thanks to
the Most Merciful

On Certainty

2007-07-09T00:12:00.000Z

The levels of certainty.

Allah who knows the seen and the unseen proclaims that the Quran revealed to the Holy Prophet is the truth of assured certainty (haqqul yaqin), which can never be disproved.

* * *

Truth as understood by man by the application of his power of judgement and appraisement of visible evidence through reasoning or inference is called ilmul yaqin.

* *

If he sees something with his own eyes, described as "seeing is believing", it is called Ayn ul yaqin which sometimes terminates in delusion or deception.

tafsir 69:38 --from here

* * *

"Argue with a fool, and most likely the fool is doing the same... because the problem is not, do you believe what you see, but what is it that you see?"
-- reproduced, with thanks

knowledge & submission III

2007-07-03T21:57:00.000Z

In prayer, I felt the stubbornness in my soul
I realised - I loved the world & was reluctant to leave it - so
If I would not leave my home, how could I begin the journey to God?

For a while I was dumbstruck, silent; until
I realised - or remembered - the world is fake, deception
And knew; no-one who knows this, would want it at all.

* * *

"Many a knowledge comes to man in stages:

(1) first he becomes aware of an idea;
(2) then he has some doubts about its correctness;
(3) then he becomes inclined to accept it;
(4) then gradually the possibility of his accepting the opposite view vanishes completely and he becomes firmly convinced of the truth of that idea - and this firm conviction is called knowledge.

If such a knowledge is concerned with some frightening affair, then his worry and disquiet will begin as soon as he reaches the third stage when he is only inclined to accept it - is only "thinking" that probably it may be true."

* * *

Seeking knowledge of God...

2007-07-02T15:50:00.000Z

... above and beyond any other form of knowledge

All praise is due to Allah, the First and Last, the Originator and Creator, the giver of Order and Beauty.

Throughout the courses of our lives, it is necessary for all men to acquire knowledge. From the time an infant is born the mind and senses combine to analyse information from the outside world, which is then assimilated into an internal world-view in the theoretical arena, and later applied to physical problems in the practical arena. Over the course of history men have combined their knowledge and built upon the works of their forefathers, separating it out into schools of science and mathematics, philosophy and art; continually expanding, refining and specialising the content of each. Each school has become a blanket for a vast array of knowledge, by no means complete, yet far beyond the capability of any one individual to amass or encompass. The totality of knowledge within a single speciality within any one school is approaching impossible to acquire even for the brightest minds; and the sum of all human knowledge to date is impossible to comprehend, let alone the sum of all knowledge – known or yet to be discovered, if discoverable at all.

Those who seek knowledge (over and above the basic levels required to function and interact within society) must choose carefully which type of knowledge to pursue, and which to forgo. Many decide according to their interests or abilities, some driven by curiosity or the prospect of income, others seeking practical solutions or innovations to better their situation. But in each of these choices, there necessitates a neglect of other branches of knowledge which may be more worthy of pursuit. The one who seeks knowledge for its own sake; to better understand the universe from the heavens above to the depths of men’s souls; cannot tolerate blind pursuit of arbitrary branches of knowledge, knowing they within their lifetimes they may never chance upon the knowledge which can help them unlock the greatest questions of existence. Without a reasoned and logical direction to their studies, the vast majority of these thinkers would be doomed to frustration and failure.

Believing in God, knowing that He is the Source and Original Cause of the universe, understanding that He created all according to a Grand Design; its complex progression, laws of interaction and development, the natures of all beings and the purpose behind their creation; Master of all about which there is knowledge, in all schools and that which is unknown; leads towards an understanding of the power and significance of knowledge of God. Knowledge of Him encompasses the ultimate reasons for the form and existence of the universe, and the totality of the myriad of directions it may take in times to come. Attaining core knowledge from the very Source of Knowledge will shed light upon countless world-truths, the way fundamental axioms unfold and combine to give endless rules and realities, which ultimately stem solely from their logical conclusions. The knowledge relating to Him traverses all branches and schools, colouring the understanding of every aspect of creation.

If a seeker desires knowledge, the most worthy pursuit must be that most complete and all-encompassing, general knowledge; which may be expanded towards any direction and within any branch they choose. It must be in seeking those general, fundamental truths, which are the essence of the universe. No single speciality can be studied without starting at the end of knowledge in its field, then working back along the single branches towards the source; never touching any branch except those directly preceding the one you started upon.

Only through knowledge of the Source of all branches can one gain general understanding of all knowledge, then move on to specific and detailed understanding of some.

If a seeker desires Truth, it is incumbent upon them to seek knowledge of God; and in so doing they may approach every other form of knowledge, as the source of a river leads to the sea.

All praise is due to Allah, Lord and Cherisher of the Worlds.

* * *

(c) June '07

To Deny Him Attributes III

2007-06-10T23:07:00.000Z

when the question of Divine Unity is raised in religious discourse, it is taken to include many topics incluring the belief in the oneness of the essence, so, too, the compounding of the attributes and the distinction between essence and attributes is totally excluded with respect to unity of the attributes. Distinctness and differentiation derive from limitation. If in the world of nature we look at a body through different coloured pieces of glass, that body will appear to us in a succession of different colours. Similarly, when we contemplate the unique divine essence with our reason, we sometimes ascribe knowledge to that infinite being with regard to the fact that all creatures are at all times present before Him; we then say that He is all-knowing. At other times we are aware of His ability to create all things, and we hen speak of His being all-powerful.

So, when we percieve through these various apertres, the different attributes which appear to resemble the properties of our limited beings, we attempt to separate them from His infinite essence. Objectively, however, all the concepts conveyed by the different attributes have a single existence and convey a single reality, a reality that is free from all defect and deficiency, that posesses all perfections such as power, mercy, knowledge, blessedness, wisdom and splendor.

"God and His attributes" by Sayyid Mujtaba Musavi Lari

You cannot think of Allah as a compound or collection of several separate attributes without denying Him unity. You can't imagine a part of Him labelled "Mercy" and another "Power" or another "Seeing" and consider those separately, any more than it makes sense to say that you can separate out the part called "green" from the body of a blade of grass, or the "negative" from an electron. It is an integral part of its entire nature, and inseperably combined in the whole, and by having abstract knowledge of that one part you can't get knowledge of the whole.

Due to our human limitations we think of different aspects of Him and get tempted to think that they are separate parts of His character. What we fail to realise is that each time we notice something different, we are looking towards the same, single, reality but through a different angle: using a different coloured piece of glass. If you look at a yellow flower through some red glass, it looks red, and its leaves look brown. If you use a green piece the leaves look green, but the flower looks like a lighter shade of green. Using blue glass the flower is a darker green, and the leaves are bluish. Would it make sense to say that there are three flowers, one red, and two different greens, which exist in the same body, and to manifest each one you have to look through a different piece of glass? can we separate the red flower out in our thinking from the green ones? Would we ever really understand what the truth about that flower was if we insisted on this thinking, separating out parts for it because of our patchy and limited knowledge of its real nature?

It is a partial image we are getting each time of the same one reality, and trying to build them up into a view of the whole by adding all these parts together isnt the answer. instead we need to realise that He is One, and that all of the partial bits of information we have about Him: such as Him being the Creator, the Most Powerful, the Just, the Compassionate... are all aspects of the same inseperable one reality. We need to deny the attributes as something "separate" within Him that manifest on certain occasions, or we will never be able to approach knowledge of Him.

... the renown scholar al-Kulaini al-Razi cites derivation of the word "Allah", the Imam said to him: "O Hisham" the proper noun "Allah" is derived from "ilah"; "the Creator" requires the existence of creation [to testify to His being its creator]. This is a noun, not an adjective. Anyone who worships a name without worshipping what the name stands for is actually committing kufr, apostacy; in reality he does not worship anything at all. One who worships the name and the meaning is also commiting kufr, for he will be worshipping two. Only one who worships the meaning without the name is in line with the concept of Tawhid (Unity of God). Have you understood all of this, O Hisham?" He answered him in the affirmative, requesting to provide more explanations, wherupon the Imam said, "There are ninety nine attributes of Allah. Had each attribute been the same as it describes, each one of them would have been a god by itself. But,"Allah" is the meaning one deducts once he becomes familliar with all of these attributes. They all, O Hisham, in their collective sense, are not the same as He himself. Bread is something you eat. Water is something you drink. A garment is something you put on. And fire is something that burns. Do you understand all of this, O Hisham, fully enough so that you would promote it and fight the enemies of Allah for its sake?!" Hisham answered him in the affirmative, whereupon the Imam added, "May Allah grant you thereby benefits, and may he keep your feet firm thereupon, O Hisham!"
"The Concept of God in Islam" by Yaseen T al-Jibouri

* * *

11 June 2007 ~~ I'm back.

disclaimer, edited

2007-05-09T20:46:00.000Z

To all those who treat everything I say with reverence and respect: I find it funny when people listen to me like I know what I'm talking about. Don't take me too seriously. It probably wouldn't be good for your health.

To all those who make it their lifes mission to disagree with me: one of these days you'll realise, I actually do know what I'm talking about.

I am not always right, nor am I always wrong. If you assume either, you're an idiot.

I'm not quite back yet, but inshaAllah, soon.

* * *

(c) May 2007

this is to announce

2007-04-27T20:28:00.000Z

that I will be leaving for a time. there are a number of things I need to sort out, and it has become blindingly obvious that I cannot rely on anyone else for even so much as company. I dont know when (if) I'll be back, but for now this place will still be here if you should like to visit.

as a parting request, I ask you to pray for me.

* * *

from now until whenever,

if that time comes.

Hadi

2007-04-16T18:17:00.000Z

In glory of our guide, the immortal hero

Without whom even Imams would have not Islam

Suffice the praise from the Almighty in His book of you,

O best of men, beloved Last Messenger of Allah

Though words fail on behalf of mankind in gratitude

We bow to your words in which lies the command of Allah

And praise evermore & seek His blessings upon you,

O beloved, O Muhammad, O Mustafa.

* * *

(c) April 2007

ma'siyah

2007-04-16T18:02:00.000Z

I am Firon

every time i choose what i want, over what He wants, no matter how small

I am satan

when he refused to bow to Adam (as), even though he said he would worship in other ways. it was self denial -- if i let my pride keep me from obeying Him instead of me, even with seemingly logial reasons. How can I truly have Islam if i dont submit myself to Him? Whoever has even the smallest speck of arrogance will never enter heaven.

They say the first & hardest veil to tear is Pride. & not with no reason.

Let this day be the start of my active submission
& the start of my active suppression of my stubborn will.

* * *

(c) March 2007

the return

2007-04-11T20:00:00.000Z

There is a special kind of peace that comes with being in the presence of someone great, and a special kind of inspiration which comes just by being close to them. Often you dont fully appreciate the impact this person or situation has had on your life until its gone; and too often you dont value the strength afforded you by a believing, religiously active community until you are alone.

At such times you must suddenly separate from such beneficial companions, the world at once seems dark and cold, and the loneliness of solitary belief can crush you into old habits and draw you into the death of apathy.

In the dying throes, when you still feel the pain of this, there is nothing to stop you reaching for your complete, perfect examples & leaders, your permanent support, guidance, inspiration & community. In the loss of those good souls who, just by being around them, inspired you to be more; you can realise your true need for knowledge of your perfect, full examples.

You finally realise, you cannot do this alone, nor can you keep the calm, distant relation of polite ziarat you had once developed. You feel the need to see them more than the thirst for water on a hot summer's day. You feel the burning desire to be with them & know them & serve & represent them as best you can, and give up the false modesty of not wishing to see them because of your shortcomings. You finally, fully realise your total loss without them, and pray fervently that Allah will reveal them to you as soon as possible.

You cannot do this alone. But you do not have to. Instead of seeking this salvation from scholars, sheikhs, spouses or friends; you finally turn fully - open armed and waiting for contact - to your leaders, who have been waiting in turn for you, all along.

May Allah accept all our prayers in their name, unite us with them in this life & the next, & make us their full & faithful followers.

* * *

(c) April 2007

mawla

2007-03-21T20:10:00.000Z

I kneel
an old man, in the vineyard
before the sweet red grapes
pulling them off
eating, & passing them back
to the hand above my shoulder

my Master
& leader, I know
but who is this figure
in shadow, the youth
at his side
who I have not acknowledged?

I was puzzled
at this one, seeing two
and, the shame, thought a while
before realising

you were there
and I had not recognised you at all.

* * *

(c) Winter 2006,

from an event much earlier

to deny Him attributes II

2007-03-16T19:24:00.000Z

to add words to the image: a section from tafsir Nahjul Balaghah.

* * *

After pointing out the essentials of Divine knowledge Amir al-mu'minin has described its important constituents and conditions. He has held those stages of such knowledge which people generally regard as the point of highest approach to be insufficient.

1. He says that its first stage is that with the natural sense of search for the unknown and the guidance of conscience or on hearing from the followers of religions an image of the Unseen Being known as Allah is formed in the mind. This image in fact is the forerunner of the obligation to thinking and reflection and to seeking His knowledge... one who is moved by the power of this image goes further and considers thinking and reflection necessary.

2. In this way one reaches the next stage in the attainment of Divine knowledge, namely to search for the Creator through diversification of creation and species of creatures, because every picture is a solid and inflexible guide to the existence of its painter and every effect to the action of its cause... after observing all that exists in the world and the regulated system of the entire creation no one can help concluding that there is a Creator for this world of diversities because existence cannot come out of non-existence, nor can existence sprout forth from nothingness... But this stage would also be insufficient if this testimony in favour of Allah is tarnished by belief in the divinity of some other deity.

3. The third stage is that His existence should be acknowledged along with belief in Unity and Oneness. Without this the testimony to Allah's existence cannot be complete because if more gods are believed in He would not be One whereas it is necessary that He should be One... In short there is no way but to acknowledge Him as One because in believing in numerous creators there remains no possibility of the existence of any other thing, and destruction proves implicit for the earth, the sky and everything in creation. Allah the glorified has expressed this argument in the following words:

"Had there been in (the heavens and the earth [other] ) gods except Allah, they both had been in disorder. . ." (Qur'an, 21:22).

4. The fourth stage is that Allah should be regarded free of all defects and deficiencies... because there can be no deficiency or defect in the perfect Being nor can anyone be deemed like Him because all these attributes bring down a being from the high position of the Creator to the low position of the created. That is why along with Unity, Allah has held purity from deficiency of equal importance.

5. The fifth stage of completing His Knowledge is that attributes should not be put in Him from outside lest there be duality in His Oneness -- To Deny Him Attributes -- because His Being is not a combination of essence and form so that attribute may cling to Him like smell in the flowers or brightness in the stars. Rather, He is the fountain head of all attributes and needs no medium for manifestation of His perfect Attributes... If to Him is attributed the power to listen or to see it is because the cohesion of the entire creation and its administration cannot be done without hearing or seeing but the existence of these attributes in Him cannot be held to be in the same way as in the creation namely that He should be capable to know only after He acquires knowledge or He should be powerful and strong only after energy runs into His limbs. Taking attributes as separate from His Being would connote duality and where there is duality unity disappears.

That is how Amir al-mu'minin has rejected the idea of attributes being addition to His Being, presented Unity in its true significance, and did not allow Unity to be tainted with stains of multiplicity. This does not mean that adjectives cannot at all be attributed to Him...every nook and comer in the entire existence is brimming with His attributes and every particle of creation stands witness that He has knowledge, He is powerful, He hears, He sees. He nurtures under His care and allows growth under His mercy.

If we regard attributes distinct from Self in this manner there would be two alternatives; either the attributes must have existed in Him from ever or they must have occurred later. In the first case we have to recognise as many eternal objects as the attributes which all will share with Him in being eternal, but "Allah is above what the people deem Him to have equals." In the second case in addition to subjecting Him to the alternations it would also mean that before the acquiring of the attributes He was neither scient, nor powerful, nor hearer nor beholder and this runs counter to the basic tenet of Islam.

* * *

"Our Allah the Glorified, the Magnificent has ever had knowledge as His Self even though there was nothing to know, sight as His Self even though there was nothing to know, sight as His Self even though there was nothing to behold, hearing as His Self even though there was nothing to hear, and Potence as His Self even though there was nothing to be under His Potence. When He created the things and the object of knowledge came into existence His knowledge became related to the known, hearing related to the heard, sight related to the seen, and potence related to its object."

-- narrated from Imam Jafar as Sadiq

* * *

with thanks to Al-Islam.org

footnote 1

to be with the Truthful

2007-03-12T11:02:00.000Z

In the story of Kerbala, we see the 2 paths before us when we are faced with a moral choice. The 2 sides, the heroes & villains, represent to us the two courses - one, to swallow that unease and choose the easy option, wealth, physical comfort, material prosperity & security from immediate, worldly fear... & the other, to stand by the truth - what we know is right - even if it will cause us pain.

In the two sides we see the conclusion, the final result of our choices & the paths they will lead us upon. Through the course of our lives, in small matters or large, we all find ourselves repeatedly at this same fork in the road. We look to the tragedy of Kerbala & in the form of the oppressors & oppressed, we realise the true consequences & conclusions of our deeds. When tempted to the easy path, who amongst us has faced a trial greater than that of Hussein (as)? Who has had a path becon to them, so easy it would secure every worldly comfort at once; and on the other hand, the path of truth lead to every suffering and pain in this life at the hands of men?

We are Hurr, before this image: before the heroes and villains, before the Imam appinted by God and the imams leading us to fire, asking us to choose. Our stance is embodied by the realisation of this one man on the plains of Kerbala, the night before the great tragedy; when he began trembling, seeing himself between heaven and hell at this one choice, deciding not to prefer anything over heaven even if he is cut into pieces and burnt. Will we be able to make this same leap of faith & choose the uphil struggle for truth?

the final call of the Imam (as) echoes over time towards us, waiting for us to decide.

* * *

(c) March 2007

Islam

2007-03-11T21:14:00.000Z

“

Have you fully realised what Islam is?

It is indeed a religion founded on truth.

It is such a fountain-head of learning

that several streams of wisdom

and knowledge flow from it.

It is such a lamp

that several lamps will be lighted from it.

It is a lofty beacon

illuminating the path of Allah.

It is such a set of principles and beliefs

that it will satisfy every seeker of truth and reality.

Know you all!

that Allah has made Islam the most sublime path

for the attainment of His supreme pleasure.

He has favoured it with

noble precepts

exalted principles

undeniable wisdom

undoubtable arguments

and unchallengeable supremacy.

It is up to you to maintain the eminence

and dignity granted to it by the Lord,

to follow it sincerely,

to do justice in its articles of faith and belief,

to obey implicitly its tenets and orders

and to give it the proper place in your lives.

”

* * *

Nahjul Balaghah, Imam Ali (as)

with thanks to Al-Khoei Foundation.

to deny Him attributes...

2007-03-03T22:08:00.001Z

from nahjul balaghah, sermon 1. Click on the image to open it in a new window.

* the level "all humans, here & below" refers primarily to those who are not athiest, all humans who have an innate appreciation for some Higher Power who has control. Athiests too have this, but override it -- they refuse to acknowledge it despite the lack of a cohesive alternative. Often they will deify the "laws of nature", science or various other concepts as the source of the order in the world, without accepting a higher creator of these rules. Whether or not this indirectly counts as acknowledging Him remains a point of debate.

* * *

(c) March 2007

for HCW

2007-02-28T20:58:00.000Z

revisiting words of forgotten wisdom
in deeper appreciation, now many years have passed
sparked a tiny hope of reunion
which gently pulled me back to knowledges seat

I searched for you, happy
but found not a trace of your name
except one, hidden in long ago archived print
and realised, whats past can never be regained

tears pricked at my eyes
for the childlike thought that nothing would change
and the callous erasing of time
which left not a mark to show
how great you were
to all
to me

my teacher.

* * *

Dedication
(c) June 2006

virtual III

2007-02-23T20:07:00.000Z

the official rules

"Suppose a man according to his physical health expects to live for 150 years provided he looks after his health. If he does not, his expectation of life will be reduced to one half of that period. Now suppose that man does not look after his health and dies at the age of 75. It will be right to say that this man was destined to have two ages, and both of them were conditional. The condition of only one of them was fulfilled.

The destiny the condition of which has been fulfilled is irrevocable, and that the condition of which has not been fulfilled is revocable."

nest eggs & hacks

1. A direct appeal to the Author can be made at any stage, and will be answered.

"And when My servants ask you concerning Me, then surely I am very near; I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he calls on Me, so they should answer My call and believe in Me that they may walk in the right way."

-- Holy Quran, 2:186

2. Special power: Prayer. May be employed by any player at any time, and can alter any aspect of the game, even if this involves breaking outside the set framework of the game.

"Prayer changes even confirmed destiny"

-- hadeeth, Holy Prophet (saw)

3. Special power: good works. The game is coded such that virtuous deeds will always lead to a greater reward than vice. This is the case regardless of where the apaprent benefit lies. Virtues shape the player's future as consequences of his own free will, as previously discussed.

"The number of those who die because of committing sins is larger than the number of those who die their natural death, and the number of those who live because of doing good deeds is larger than the number of those who live because of their real age"

-- hadeeth, Imam Sadiq (as)

4. Alliance with the Forces of Nature.

If the player has managed to perfect the use of all three methods combined, he may succeeding in allying himself with a number of great, fundamental, non-material causes of destiny, which are part of the programmed world order. Some examples of these forces follow.

force: "the support of Justice & Equity", because of which the world is in existence. All efforts allied with this join the greater whole, and will not be wasted.

"Believers, if you help Allah's cause, He will help you and make you stand firmly"

-- Holy Quran, 47:7

force: "Trust in the Author", by which the player gains conviction, strength and determination. He will never fear death, devastation, poverty or helplessness as a consequence of the path of virtue.

"Such people when warned to fear those who are gathered against them, (the threat of danger) increased their faith and they cried: Allah is sufficient for us! Most excellent is He in whom we trust!"

-- Holy Quran, 3:172

"the world has been so arranged that the whole system of causes and effects will come to his aid if he whole-heartedly exerts himself to serve the cause of his creed. His power naturally increases thousands of times when the energy stored in the world comes to his aid."

* * *

more ideas from Man and his Destiny, M Mutahhery

(c) Feb 2007

A Dieu

2007-02-22T18:32:00.000Z

dedicated to those closest of friends I only spoke to a handful of times.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So you've come one last time to bid me farewell
i'll smile and say, i cant pretend i wont miss
what i saw in you since that first day
that sweet spark of goodness that winked
at me playfully once & over again
& we grew in quiet respect to appreciate
what must have been a type of love -- it is there still
not clinging, secure & unchanging as distance tears us apart & spreads

So now you're moving on & won't visit anymore, i wish you
all you'd dare to dream for & more, as the world is at your feet
& though once in a while i'll think back over days gone by
it will always be with fond memories & never questioning
why each leaf that's blown from the same tree falls so far

My friend I can't say i wont miss talking
but this was never the true link which grew, that wont be severed over miles & times
for what i saw & loved in you keeps you in my prayers

So, i thank you for the parting wish
which is more than i've had from some like you, who just disappeared
& wish you all your heart desires in life, i know you'll be fine
until the great reunion which draws like to like, if i should ever cross your mind
& too make you smile & wonder what i'm up to, & care to visit one last time
although i know you wont & thats ok i'll say,

i'll always be here
should you want to try.

* * *

virtual II

2007-02-18T14:21:00.000Z

by analogy

1. the "incompatibility" of destiny & free-will. your world is pre-programmed. each choice presented to your character, its consequences and the choices it leads to are all determined at the earliest stage of game development. all possible futures for your character are encapsulated in this, as at no time can the game evolve outside the original structure set by the Programmer. As He wrote it, He has knowledge of these - all that will or could possibly befall you. This includes both actions as a result of your choices, and the greater storyline that is the Author's decided theme for the game.

This is destiny.

You are the character. You enter the world free, and are presented with a number of choices. At each stage, you are able to select your course in consideration of the consequences of your actions, and your overall aim. Although the branches of the choices you face are set, you are free to select which of the thousands and thousands of branches you will walk upon at each fork in the road. You can play the game as it was intended, or ignore the plot and amuse yourself as you see fit. You can shape your path through the consequences of your deeds, which lead to specific situations dependent on your previous choices. You can decide if you will be the hero or the villain, and this is irrespective of which of these the Author desires you to become. He has presented you with a number of options, informing you which serve the purpose of the game, and which do not - but does not compel you to choose one side or the other. This, He leaves up to you. Note, the Programmer knows everything which will, and will not be in this game, before, after and during your adventure. As you play, He watches you cut down this myriad of options into one path in your wake -- a path which has always been wholly within His knowledge. You go only from multiple conditional destinies to a single, fulfilled destiny.

This is free will, within predestination.

2. it is incorrect, not to mention incredibly dangerous, to believe because the Author knows what is to befall you, you have no choice in the matter. This is ideologically unsound, as only a tyrant would force arbitrary numbers of people into a path then send them to perdition because of it, while others he gives another path and a sweet reward. It contradicts His property of Justice and Mercy. In addition there would be no motivation to better yourself, nor to accept accountability for your evil deeds.

It is also incorrect, not to mention incredibly dangerous, to believe your free will is an absolute, and nothing is destined. This again is ideologically unsound, as it denies His attribute of Knowledge. In addition man would consider himself capable of all things in and of his own power, shaping a path arbitrarily where there was nothing before, with no greater destiny or meaning.

Ghaylan of Damascus: "Do you think Allah likes to be disobeyed?"
Rabi'ah al-Ray: "It is you who believe Allah is disobeyed against His will!"

* * *

ideas from Man and his Destiny, M. Mutahhery

(c) Feb 2007

virtual

2007-02-15T20:06:00.000Z

"What's the story?"

When players ask what the story is, I imagine Macbeth asking what the story to Macbeth is before the play begins. You are the protagonist, the hero of the game -- the story is what you decide to make it. There are going to be foils to your character: people who will try to stop some of your more grandiose goals, and people who are there to help it if it serves them. But it is your aims and ambitions that frame the story. After all, these games are plays in which the stars are members of the audience. Given a large, well-appointed stage, a supporting cast of improvisationalists, and an alert backstage crew, they are capable of anything. And the best thing We can do is give you what you want, and get out of your way.

You have a challenge ahead of you in more ways than one. This is a game designed to encourage exploration and reward curiosity. There are opportunities to do great and heroic deeds, and, likewise, possibilities of indulging in less virtuous activities. You are not required to follow a path of righteousness nor a path of depravity, but both roads and everything in between are open to you.

And so we turn the question back to you, "What's the story?" It is not for us to answer. Follow your own spirit and tell your own story in your own way.

We hope only to help you make it real.

* * *

adapted for a purpose,

original courtesy of TES ch. 2: Introduction

Bethesda Softworks.

"i'm bored"

2007-02-14T20:24:00.000Z

HOW easily those words roll off the tongue. To paraphrase a respected friend, you would not be bored if you would remember what was really happening. As we sit idle, engrossing ourselves in what is around us, a great calamity ever inches towards. This life we have built for ourselves… this sheltered cocoon… a family, possessions, daily routine and mundane responsibilities… has clouded our vision and obscured it, until it has become all we see. Though we profess “we believe”, our actions speak otherwise. When I look at this computer screen, keyboard, mouse… these black and white words tracing their way across the screen, and think of nothing else, I am saying… this is real. This is reality. This is all there is.

That is what we have been trained to believe. From birth, we have been unwittingly taught to turn our attentions to what is around us. When we grow and adopt beliefs, they come secondary to this preconceived view of the world. I can say, I believe in God… I know about devils and angels, the first day and the judgement to come. I know my responsibilities, as a human... yet the greater world of good and evil, of Truth, justice and light remains beyond my short-sighted gaze. As I type I remain oblivious to the devils whispering around me, and the angels standing guard…. I cannot see the all enveloping Mercy and Power which perpetually surrounds me, and everything else in existence. I cannot see beyond the end of my nose, to my individual and collective human destiny rushing towards me faster than a tidal wave striking the shore. Time is racing towards us, until the Truth arrives… His book, His messenger… His guidance is complete before us; that we might survive. This blindness we have let envelop has almost destroyed us… but for the solitary hope that we may wake up before our eyes close forever, in the arms of death.

We are… as if preparing against an army of ruthless marauders racing towards our gates. Living on borrowed time, we cannot afford to let a day go by without preparing for their advent. As with a tangible threat, our survival and our very existence depends on the extent of our training. This is the ultimate stand, where we must protect ourselves from external and internal weaknesses. This is what matters more than any other battle we will ever see, because on its outcome rests the fate of our lives and afterlives for all eternity. So, untrained as we may be, we must whip ourselves into shape to become great warriors, able to stand side by side in the greatest army. Perseverance is the key, as with any training: the discipline to start small and keep working, the humility to get up after failure and try again. Against the pressures of time, we have the capability to succeed if we overcome our beguiling perceptions… as we are the only real obstacle in our way.

If you find your centre, then you’re bound to win. we were created for this, perfectly suited to this purpose. We were made to find our real selves, and finally stand upright as true Human Beings… useful servants of God, in the army of His Imam (aj).

* * *

(c) final revision Aug 2006

knowledge & submission II

2007-02-10T19:47:00.000Z

conclusions

1. Learn. even if there is no pressing reason, even if there is no immediate task to fulfil, even if there is no point for learning other than its own sake. learn until you grasp the entirety of the subject, you master it so that its complexities come as naturally as breathing and you can bend and shape its manifestation to whatever form takes your whim. Excel in whatever you can, even if this is not what you would most wish to excel in: for excellence leads to excellence as all rivers join and eventually lead to the sea, while resignation to mediocrity leads only to stagnation.

2. When you are given an opportunity, it will come to you on your home turf. It will be in an area you are connected to, and are capable of understanding. This is true even if you chose not to excel. You will be called upon to use the skills you posess, though the extent of this skill will vary according to your effort in honing it. If you have not made the effort, Trust and Sincerity will help you overcome the trembling of your heart.... if you have, Clarity and Certainty lead your way, and this is by far the easiest path.

3. Once you are certain, the heavens and earth split before you and ask you to Choose. The full consequence of each path will become clear to you, their tails leading high above the clouds or spiralling down towards the earth's core. You will have to choose immediately, for opportunities rarely wait, and delay reflects no choice at all. There is no retreat as noone is able to un-learn. if you devoted yourself to perfecting your vision, you are able to fix your gaze upon the great but distant reward... if you were only concerned by the close and immediate, these will occupy your attention and pull you towards the other choice. You would percieve the bad as good and ease as difficulty.

It is in your nature to act as is best for you; ensure you are capable of judging well what this is.

* * *

(c) Feb 2007

knowledge & submission

2007-02-09T19:01:00.000Z

I have always respected the magicians who came to prove Moses (as) a charlatan, but ended up submitting to his faith when they saw his miracle of the snake. At the most obvious level: these men accepted the veracity of Moses' claims upon witnessing the miracle, and immediately professed belief in his message. I had wondered at the humility and sincerity of these men and had wished to be like them... but did not think much past this point until today.

The sheikh was explaining. These magicians were not just any magicians; the Quran states,

They said: Put him off and his brother, and send collectors into the cities:

That they may bring to you every enchanter possessed of knowledge (7:111-2)

...and they produced a mighty enchantment. (7:116)

These magicians were the most skilled, the most learned in the entire kingdom. They were posessed of knowledge to the mastery of their art. And suddenly, it hit me. This is how they were able to submit so fully, so devotedly, upon witnessing the miracle of Moses (as).

These men were at a state of knowledge in their art, and in the laws of nature and what was possible within them, that gave them immediate certainty (yaqeen) in the matter. Their expertise made them immediately certain that what Moses (as) had brought was from a Higher power, and not just a parlour trick. After all, the entire court witnessed this miracle, did it not? Yet at this stage from those actively opposing the message, only the magicians submitted.

And the enchanters were thrown down, prostrating (themselves). They said: We believe in the Lord of the worlds, The Lord of Musa and Haroun. (7:120-2)

And what a submission. As soon as the snake had swallowed their staffs, in the open; in front of a tyrant who believed he himself was God (nauthubillah); in spite of the promises of worldly riches and a high position at court, they declared their belief. Their knowledge gave them the means to submit at the earliest opportunity; understanding the benefit in this course over worldly gain.

They did not believe that Moses (as) was a god and start worshipping him - despite the fact they had been treating Pharaoh as a god, and Moses (as) had not yet been given a chance to preach his message fully - they understood this was beyond human power. Their knowledge gave them a firm intellectual footing in faith, and allowed them to draw solid conclusions on witnessing the miracle.

And when Pharaoh threatened them with the worst torture, being crucified and having their limbs severed, what did they say?

They said: Surely to our Lord shall we go back:

And you do not take revenge on us except because we have believed in the communications of our Lord when they came to us! Our Lord: Pour out upon us patience and cause us to die in submission. (7:125-6)

The truth of the situation was clear to them. They believed in God and would turn back to Him; relying upon their Lord, the posessor of Might and Power above all human capabilities. They knew Pharaoh had no just cause for contesting the faith, and was acting like a spoilt child out of arrogance and egotism. They knew that what Pharaoh threatened was difficult for them but that God was Greatest, so they prayed to Him for patience and to accept their submission.

Upon witnessing this one act relating to their knowledge, they had certainty in faith that could not be shaken by any worldly promise or threat.

This is what knowledge does for submission, as long as you are sincere.

* * *

"There are three kinds of people. The scholars, the seekers of knowledge and all the others are a waste of humanity"

-- Imam Jafar as Sadiq (as), according to hadeeth

(c) Feb 2007

strange

2007-02-08T11:49:00.000Z

I found this at the back of one of my notebooks. I'd completely forgotten I'd ever written it.

* * *

strange how you don't see what is before you

in it's own light, until truth overwhelms

and that first assumption carried through

is blown away like dry husks, leaving the seed

it is a laddered lesson that must be learnt

not to judge things as they first seem.

* * *

(c) first & final version, summer 2006

dream ~~ mashhad

2007-02-06T23:12:00.001Z

where the days stretch out, expanse in green and gold
& skies melt in illumined heights & azure walls
for the hallowed halls bedecked in glistening cut
in crowds but grace which sweeps and curves to core
a golden cage marks one the heart beats for

how love strains forth in reach & in like is met
no dream so sweet imagined if not once felt
and blooms the silent pledge made whole in earnest hope
so sadly part... but only til bond, stretched, pulls close once more.

(c) final version May 2006

green

2007-02-06T13:59:00.000Z

for bery, wherever you are now.

for those of you who don't know who bery is (and that would probably be all of you), I met him a long time ago, and spoke to him only handful of times. I still remember him for what I saw of his character in those few words, and his spirit as a Seeker of Truth. This poem would be an account of the first time we met.

For those of you now getting worried (and again, that would probably be all of you -- not least bery if he were to read this), don't. As he once told me, "I am not your long-lost brother". And of course, he is not. He was just someone a few ladders across from me and higher up, who -- by the grace of God -- was there to call down some words of wisdom that helped me, when i'd just got hold of the first few rungs.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Idly passing the time
your words caught my attention
and through, revealed at once
an effortless brilliance
and gentle grace

the minds eye overpowered my vision, &
i saw my path between jagged
red stone mountains in midmorning sun
climbing past rocky veils
for the final turn
and push over and up

to suddenly stand before the rising horizon
& see full to the ground

and be knocked breathless
by the sight

of rolling green, forrested hills
a secret valley... thick with trees,
enshrouded in mists,
leaves rustling, birds singing,
in every contrast to the red dust all around

pulsing and humming with
Life

overwhelmed by its beauty, i sat,
dumbfounded,
staring silently at the screen.

(c) from an event much earlier, put to words Sep 2006

bookshelf

2007-02-05T22:55:00.000Z

i look over at them and wonder.
The paper veils painting sun and mountains
hiding deepest oceans of blue, near luminous
yet unfathomable quickly fading into mists and swirls
the truer form of what is known
only recognised as a distant memory...

they seem dead, but
between the lines realities merge,
past and present
life and death,
opening windows onto
winged, sunlit clarity
& deep saturating peace

not of them, but
through them i find you all
i hear your words to me,
i feel the rain again
strike my barren pastures
& once more
feel the gently smiling sun upon my face

...

the lightning-flash fades,
and again all is dark

i lie in my paper coffin
with eyes shut
as you live around me,
between the folds and turns
of what is enscribed on my shroud.

(c) final revision 2005

On life

2007-02-05T22:23:00.000Z

worth a thousand words... painted by surat al baqarah

true story...

2007-02-05T00:06:00.000Z

my father knows a doctor who used to live in iraq. the doctors family were once in favour with saddam & worked for him,until by chance one of his cousins was standing amongst a group of men who had earnt saddams anger, & was sentenced to execution with them. from then on, the entire family was blacklisted - every quarter a questionnaire was sent out by the iraqi government on which this execution had to be declared. in bold at the foot of the document was the warning that lying about such things was an act of treason, which is punishable by death. slowly, the doctor's family were picked off one by one, until he decided to flee the country with his wife and four young daughters, in a night, leaving behind everything they owned. travel was prohibited to blacklisted people, especially doctors, but against all the odds they made it out alive & settled in the UK.

back then, iraqi nationals living abroad were given free tickets to visit iraq. a few months passed, and the doctors wife became very homesick. she begged her husband to return, if only for a week or two to see her family, but he flatly refused, knowing that he wouldnt make it out again. he told her that she could go, but that if she was detained he would not come back for her. she agreed to this, and took the children to iraq for two weeks. of course at the visa office her return was postponed once they realised who she was. the government used her to get information about her husband, then called him, threatening, bribing & taunting him as a coward to try to get him to come back. he couldnt, as he knew what it would mean for both him and his family. so he changed his name and identity, forgot all traces of his language and origin & went into hiding, never daring once to contact his wife or daughters. its now 12 years since then.

that was saddam.

one day by chance at an international convention his group met a canadian physician. the doctor's friends got talking to him & let slip that the doctor was iraqi in origin, despite the english name. the canadian was married to an iraqi girl himself, so asked for more details like the family name. he was a little surprised when he heard it was the same as that of his wife... he reasoned perhaps the doctor was a distant relative of hers. it turns out the doctor was her father. they soon realised & the canadian son-in-law told the doctor as much as he could about his family... that his eldest daughter was married to him & living in canada, with children; that his second child was living a few hours away in manchester, also married & with twin 3-year old boys; and his third and fourth daughters were engaged to be married & still in iraq. the doctor called his wife, who couldnt believe he was still alive, and apologised and swore she didnt believe they would hold her back like this. he spoke to his children, & went to visit his daughter & grandchildren in manchester. after being completely cut off from his family for over a decade the doctor had found a small tribe of relatives. He visits his closest daughter & her family regularly & is starting to re-learn arabic.

that is Allah.

* * *

final revision, August 2004 (c)

To Ahmed Andrew Verdal Lyngset

2007-02-04T23:52:00.000Z

and other people I spoke to once and never again...

hi.

* * *

Ahmad: the most praiseworthy of those who praise Allah.

This is the celestial name of the Prophet (peace of Allah and blessings be upon him) of Allah, the Ever-Existing, the All-Powerful, 360,000 years before He created the creation, created from His divine Light a sacred light. That light upon light praised Allah before and during the creation of the heaven and the heavenly and the earth and the earthly. The inhabitants of the heavens named that light Ahmad. As his praise of Allah is greater than the praise of all that is created, he is called ahmad-al-hamideen – the greatest of all givers of praise.

Ahmad is the name by which the prophet of Allah (pbuh) is mentioned in the Gospel.

‘And when Jesus, son of Mary said, “O children of Israel, surely I am the messenger of Allah to you, verifying that which is before me of the Torah and giving good news of a messenger who will come after me, his name being Ahmad.”
(Surah Saff, 6)

In the Bible, Jesus (may Allah bless him) says:

‘I have yet many things to say unto you, but ye cannot bear them now. Howbeit when he, the Spirit of Truth, is come, he will guide you unto all truth, for he shall not speak of himself, but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak; and he will show you things to come. He shall glorify me.

(John 14:17)

The Spirit of Truth who speaks but Allah’s words is Ahmad.

good choice.

no love lost...

2007-02-04T22:11:00.000Z

~~~ A LETTER ...

[1] I was strong and more beautiful than you when your eye fell upon me. was it out of your jealousy, i wonder, that you kept silent as you saw the start of my disease, secretly pleased that all i had that you didn't (a) would slowly be lost? i dont know. but you saw it, clear as day, right from the start when even at times i myself may have been deluded about its nature.

[2] as time passed by, my health worsened. signs of decay about me were now evident, the lingering stench hanging in the air belying what seemed good. the influence of the core of my disease was showing - my strength and beauty (b) had deserted me, with all that was healthy starving as the cancer gorged, and fed, and grew. you saw all this, anyone with eyes could see it.

and, donning your black mask and raising your axe high, you cut off my supply of medicine, my food, my air (c); feeding me instead poisons you would slip into my water with your left hand when you thought no one was looking (d), until all that was good in me had withered and weakened, and all that was corrupted and decayed had engulfed me, taking whatever there was for its own needs (e).

[3] for 30 years you let me like this, living but not living, weakening with each day as the disease grew stronger. the cancer had invaded almost every part of me; my limbs, eyes, ears, even my brain... all, except for my beating heart which still pounded laboriously pounded, all but crushed under the weight pressed upon it (f). perhaps you saw this, and knew. under the decay, the same heart was still beating. it held the secret of who i had been, and was agonised at what i had become. it knew, as you did. but you turned your eye (g) away from me, from my pitiful, oppressed state, as you appeared to rearrange yourself upon the throne you had fashioned, amusing yourself with your own gain and power.

to the world you seemed oblivious, but you were anything but. you knew exactly what was happening, and my despair suited you right down to the ground you trod upon.

[4] so when your games came back to bite you, the veil fell from your grasp, revealling what lay beneath. you couldnt risk anyone knowing your weakness, especially not at the hands of someone you deemed so far beneath you (h). lives were lost, but it was the insult that boiled your blood. they dared to attack you. of course, you levelled their home for it, regardless of the fact that the culprits were long gone, and closed your iron grip over those that remained (i). making an example of them didnt lessen the burn of the insult though, did it. I know. I know you better than you think.

[5] so, now donning a white coat and stethoscope, you set after me. as a mercy, you told the world. i was suffering, and might hurt someone, you said. with your elaborately woven lies, who did you think you were fooling? you chased me out of a paranoid fear that the disease that had so ravaged me could somehow extend its reach over the earth and sky to irritate you.

Rubbish. and you knew it. but it was an excuse, and through the hysteria you thought you could convince enough to make it seem justified. you did convince some, but not all. even your own heart (j) was against you in this. but everyone knows, the heart can be silenced when the mind so wishes (k).

so you came after the core of my original cancer, and cut it out with a rusty hacksaw with no anaesthetic. you had to get your hands dirty. and instead of gushing praise from me, all that was left of me reviled at your touch. made you mad, didn't it.

[6] i wont deny it, i was glad when the old cancer was finally gone. it had been a thousand years since i was last able to breathe. but cancer, by its nature, spreads. ask any doctor, cancer takes over healthy tissue making it cancerous too. it forms secondary and tertiary tumours all over the body. with 30 years to grow, you knew very well that removing the core wouldnt cure the disease. so when you were done patting yourself on the back for your surgery-well-done, you announced to the world that i was too ill to look after myself, and that you, the merciful & kind (l), would move into my house and look after me.

after all you have done and not done, you come to me with a plastic olive-branch and the devils grin on your face telling me you will nurse me to health. Do you expect me to thank you??

while i lie here, trying to recover and gather my thoughts, you change my house to suit yourself, you eat my food and wear my clothes (m)... you leave me confined in a room with no windows or door, visiting only to mouth meaningless pleasantries and more empty promises for the eyes of the world.

perhaps you think that you can keep me like this, or mould me to your own image while i am in this susceptible state.

there is one thing you have forgotten.

my heart.
it beats still. and as long as it beats, you will never be able to rule me.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

... TO AMERICA, FROM IRAQ ~~~

(a) oil, wealth and stuff

(b) the 'brain drain'& masacres of opposing scholars etc

(d) back door arms sales

(e) saddam had warehouses full of medicines that would expire without use while people didnt have so much as an aspirin. he ate deer fed with cardomom & cinnamon while the people starved in the street.

(f) the real iraq, the believers.

(g) who has one eye? think about it.

(h) generally anyone not from the west, specifically in this context those taliban morons. i dont like them or what they did either; but i wanna talk about the retaliation.

(i) afghanistan

(j) same imagery as in (f). the believers, the good people. of course there ARE good people in america, but the deeds and words of the evil ones engulf & control almost all of what comes from there towards the world.

(k) by mind i mean what controls the limbs & brings about action. the government.

(l) sarcasm.

(m) about 2 days after baghdad fell, america announced multi-billion dollar deals made to aid the 'reconstruction' of iraq. and of course, the oil.

* * *

(c) final revision on Feb 2004

hello there

2007-02-04T21:32:00.000Z

this, you could say, is a glimpse into my journal

or it would be if i had one. In theory, all of the stuff i'm putting up will be thoughts-on-paper (or screen) from the past few years... but you can never tell exactly where something will end up before you start it. one thing i can definitely say,

everything here is by me (copyright and all that applies, you've been warned), and is straight from the heart -- a genuine reflection of what i was once feeling.

as i've said before, here goes nothing.... in no particular order