the Start of Faith: Establishing your Beliefs beyond any doubt

in His Name, Bismillah ir Rahman ir Raheem,


There are many stages on the journey to true faith. This is important to understand for those of us who, perhaps, don't yet have a faith but want to search for truth; for those who have grown up within a religion and now they're older wish to build their faith; or those who have encountered doubts or a low in their lives and need to strengthen their identity and ideology. The following will explain the basic steps which prepare the foundation for faith, then strengthen it.

It should be noted that although this is discussed within the context of religious faith, it is entirely general. Parallels to these steps can be taken to build any belief which plays a dominant role in man's interactions and daily life.

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Stage 1: Ask the Big Question

This is of great importance as a starting point. First, we must clearly describe the belief we wish to develop in its most basic form. For religious belief, this most fundamental question would be, "Does God Exist?"

If we haven't asked ourselves the fundamental question and tried to find facts to give our answer, our beliefs will never be anything more than habits or phrases learnt blindly from our parents. This kind of belief is not sufficient for any adult to count as faith, so everyone must start this journey as he or she starts to grow up in order to develop into a human being, and a Believer. In many places the Quran condemns people who have no reasons for their beliefs, and blindly follow their parents or the habits of their past.

When it is said to them: "Follow what Allah hath revealed:" They say: "Nay! we shall follow the ways of our fathers." What! even though their fathers Were void of wisdom and guidance?

Holy Quran, 2:170

Stage 2: Establish the Facts

Now you have a question to think about, measures need to be taken to establish the facts. Look at the world around you, think deeply about its characteristics and nature, and the rules by which it exists.

In the case of establishing belief in God, you may study the wonders of nature in depth, considering the incredible complexity of even the smallest part of creation; the complete harmony of the laws of nature that govern everything from sunrise to tidal waves to supernovae in the skies and the many forms of distant stars and galaxies in our universe. Think about this deeply, and decide whether it is logical that these things happened by accident, on their own, or just popping out of nothing. Think about the implications of saying the universe just "happened" one day: if a tennis ball flew past your face would you believe it just popped out of nowhere? or would you look to see where it came from, for someone who threw it towards you? If you decide that you would never believe even a simple tennis ball came from nowhere, you must reject the idea that this wonderous universe which is infinitely greater and more complex came from nothing.

This path of looking for proof will be different for each of us. For those of us who are scientists, we may consider the laws of the universe such as E=mc2, which has the consequence that neither energy nor matter can ever be created or destroyed within the laws of the universe - so because of this rule the universe could not have created itself, and therefore needs an external Creator, who would be God. For those who study philosophy, we may consider the chain of cause and effect, and realise that you need one independent Cause to start things off, who is God. An artist may appreciate the symmetry and exquisite beauty of the world and creation, and realise there is no way this could have come randomly but must be a sign of the existence of a Great Artist; a wonderous Intelligence and Creative power who designed the world.

There are an infinite number of different ways to approach this, but the common theme to all of them is to think deeply about the signs of the world which you understand: art for the artist, science for the scientist and so on, collecting the facts until you realise that the world is no accident, and was deliberately created by a supreme Intelligence and Power.

A useful resource to read here is Tawheed al Mufaddal, a discussion between Imam Jafar as Sadiq (as) and one of his famous companions about the wonders of creation, leading each observation through to its logical conclusion about the existence and nature of God.

This is something you need to do in your own way, but do not give up until you have gathered enough evidence to expel your doubts and convince you of the answer. This is not something which will happen in 5 minutes, but is of paramount importance. This is and will always be the backbone of your faith. Establish it properly once, and it will last you all your life.

Stage 3: Explore the Consequences

Now you should be convinced of the basic part of your faith: that as sure as this universe around you exists, God must also exist to have created it. Every time you look around you, you should start to realise that everything you see is proof of God. But so far all we know is that God exists and made the world, we haven't established anything else. The next stage is to look at creation again, this time from the angle that it was created by Someone, an Intellect who did things this way for a reason, then by looking at the way things are created we can start to understand His motivation and aspects of His character.

Now if the artist thinks about the beautiful flower, he realises that God specifically chose to create its beautiful colour and pleasing scent: and that God also deliberately chose to give us senses that would appreciate this beauty - the artist then realises that God loves beauty, and is kind and wishes human beings to experience joy at beholding it.

If the scientist thinks about the wonderous laws of nature, none contradicting each other, working in harmony together being flawless and perfect and orderly to keep the universe running, he realises that God is wise and knowing and intelligent and loves harmony, and wishes all in creation to work together.

If the philosopher thinks about the temporary and dependent existence of everything in the world, he realises that God is eternal and unchanging, is completely Independent of needs and He is the one who satisfies the needs of all others.

Do this from all angles you can think of, being very careful to scrutinise your reasoning and logic along the way. A good guide is to look at the 99 beautiful Names of Allah, and think about the proofs in creation for each one of those. This should ensure that you haven't come to a false conclusion through flawed logic. Other useful resources are Knowing God and God and His Attributes.

Now we have a better idea of who God is, His supreme kindness, wisdom, power and gentleness; we can come to understand why we should worship and obey Him and nobody else, not even our own desires. This is the basic Islamic belief, La ilaha Il Allah, there is no god except Allah.

Stage 4: Establishing the rest of the fundamental beliefs

Now you have established the most fundamental basic belief of Islam - Monotheism - it is time to find proof and certainty about the other major beliefs of Islam such as the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him and his progeny) and the Quran as the book of God. For now lets start with these two, for establishing these without doubt means that anything in the Quran is automatically true, for example heaven, hell and Judgement; and anythinng we can prove was said by the Prophet (pbuh) is also (the truthfulness of the people in the chain of narrators then becomes the only issue when it comes to hadeeth).

In the case of the Quran, the answer is relatively simple. We should first read about the unique characteristics of the Quran, such as its style, consistency, the historical predictions it contains, and other features which characterise the book. Then, as the Quran itself states,

"And if ye are in doubt as to what We have revealed from time to time to Our servant, then produce a chapter like thereunto; and call your witnesses or helpers (if there are any) besides Allah, if your (doubts) are true."

Holy Quran 2:23

It is a fact that nobody has ever been able to imitate the style and content of the Quran, throughout the whole of history. According to history (which you should research to convince yourself) the great poets and literary masters in Classical Arabic at the time of the Quran's revelation were completely dumbfounded by it, and unable to generate even one comparable verse, even though this was their mother tongue and they were renowned for their eloquence and beautiful poetry.

Follow arguments such as these to convince yourself the Quran is the word of God, and you can then use the Quran as proof for the existence of Angels, heaven, hell, Judgement Day and other important beliefs. This way, you have firm reasons and certainty that these beliefs are true, and come from the Ultimate Truth (al Haqq, one of Allah's Names, see stage 3).

In the case of the Prophet (pbuh), we should think about Allah's creation of the universe and the methods He gives us to know what He would like us to do. He gave us conscience, an internal and instinctive knowledge of good, to guide our actions. He gave us intellect, which allows us to reason and form arguments to know the best thing to do in any given situation. But for some questions, for example, the permissibility of abortion in the case of rape or health problems for the mother, conscience and intellect don't leave us with a clear answer. If we are to be judged as the Quran says, it would be unfair to do so without first telling us the rules which we have to obey (note: remember Allah's name Al-Adl, the Just, from stage 3). Keep thinking along these lines with your own arguments, until you are sure Allah has to send a set of rules to mankind to guide them. Prophets are simply the most trustworthy and honest people to deliver this most important message to the rest of mankind, and be a good example to them to behave in a way which God loves.

Knowing this, read about the life of the Prophet (pbuh). See if he fits the description of a pure, trustworthy and honest guide. See if he ever acted for himself, his own reward, glory or any reason other than delivering Allah's message. And don't forget to read history and understand there is absolutely no doubt that he was the one to bring us the Quran, which we previously established is the word of God and which tells us about the Prophet (pbuh). The Quran contains a chapter by the name of Muhammad (pbuh), and repeatedly refers to him in affectionate and supportive terms. The Quran actually states within it that the Prophet (pbuh) does not speak out of his own desire, but he only speaks that which is revealed to him; and that he has a most exalted character.

A useful resource in this stage is the book, The Seal of the Prophets and his Message, and the biography of the Prophet (pbuh), The Message.

Once you read about the life of this great and wonderful, selfless and noble, kind and loving guide you will understand that if ever God sent a messenger and example to mankind, it would most definitely be him. Now we have firm faith in the second part of the testament of faith, Muhammadun Rasool Allah (Muhammad is the Messenger of God), and the Quran as the book of God and all it teaches about Angels, Heaven, Hell, Judgement, past Messengers, Justice, Love, Forgiveness and much more.

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In the following post, inshaAllah we will discuss strengthening and developing these beliefs, until they become a part of you and your identity.

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its been a long time coming
Footsteps: May '07
and even before

connecting

Saturday 26th July
In the haram of Imam Reza (as), at zohr.

This time, I had been able to enter the haram as I wished, to get pulled into the melee and drunk on the same crazed spirit that makes normal, civillised people behave like lunatics to get to and cling to the zarih. Other times, this choice had been made for me. You would think that I would have learnt the lesson better by this stage.

On the first day, with great anticipation, hope and desire to perform ziara on behalf of all, I had entered the throng, and basked in the Imam's proximity. The second day, I had not prepared myself sufficiently, and all of a sudden found myself at the haram door with my thoughts scattering. Reading the permission to enter proved it; even after the small rise of emotion on asking the imam (as) as the son of Fatimatul Zahra, by the right of Fatimatul Zahra (as), it was very evident the invitation was a grace from the imam and I had limited my own experience and connection.


This was the third time we were to enter the haram.

I was intent upon not repeating the mistake of the second time, in an attempt to recapture a little of the spirit of the first. I made my way towards the soaring golden arch, with the white-hot morning sun resplendent, high above it. Just before entering a spot caught my eye – an area to sit within the row of worshipers, on the right hand side, a short distance from the door. The feeling came to me that I should sit in it, but I couldn't reconcile this with not yet having done ziarah. I pushed it aside and entered the door, into the mad crowds. I found spaces and pauses in the crushing in which to read my ziarah, but neither relaxed, nor truly comfortably, nor personally. Throughout I couldn't shake the feeling that I should be outside. Eventually this feeling overcame me, and I moved outside after the core ziarah, to read the final salutations.


My place was still empty, waiting for me, welcoming me. I sat in it and completed the ziarah and prayer more peacefully and calmly. By this time it was almost noon, with the beaming, burning sun hanging high above our heads, as I sat amongst the pilgrims in the shade of the golden archway, at its edge: in the cool breezed shade, inches away from the cloven half of sunlight.

Looking up at the sun in its zenith, glinting off the soaring gold, I had a vision; of the insanity of crowds, crushing each other in the race towards the grave, clamouring to have their many requests heard and granted, thinking of the fulfilment of their own needs, then to go home and think of little more; as an outsider to it – for a second seeing the difference in behaviour for the real servant of the Imam (as), one who was truly there to do as commanded and await his call, who would pull away from the crush to reach the physical grave, and hang back for just that, not breathing a word for his own sake: knowing that the Imam (as) saw him where he stood, knew his state fully, knew he was ready to serve, and if needed, knew he would call for him.

All these people had come for the Imam (as), mistaking his grave for his presence... all these mad crowds directed one way; between them those with vision would pull aside and wait, distant from the drunken madness and seeing it for what it was; behaving like a human being and faithful servant; patiently, politely, waiting for contact and a command from the Imam (as).

I saw the difference between serving yourself in the Imam's presence and serving him, and realised to truly be his follower you could not follow the crowd and ask only for your own desires, but instead must always be thinking,

“How can I serve my Imam?”

“What can I do to serve you, O Imam?”

“I am ready, and waiting for your command.”

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On Sunday, for the first time ever, I chose not to enter the haram building, although I could, and performed ziara outside; again in the shade of the golden arch, and the glorious presence of the Imam (as).

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July 2008

Know Your Enemy

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And the Shaitan shall say after the affair is decided: Surely Allah promised you the promise of truth, and I gave you promises, then failed to keep them to you, and I had no authority over you, except that I called you and you obeyed me, therefore do not blame me but blame yourselves: I cannot be your aider (now) nor can you be my aiders; surely I disbelieved in your associating me with Allah before; surely it is the unjust that shall have the painful punishment.

Holy Quran, 14:22

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(1) And when your Lord said to the angels: Surely I am going to create a mortal of the essence of black mud fashioned in shape.
So when I have made him complete and breathed into him of My spirit, fall down making obeisance to him.
So the angels made obeisance, all of them together,
(2) But Iblis (did it not); he refused to be with those who made obeisance.

He said: O Iblis! what excuse have you that you are not with those who make obeisance?


(3) He said: I am not such that I should make obeisance to a mortal whom Thou hast created of the essence of black mud fashioned in shape.


He said: Then get out of it, for surely you are driven away:
(4) And surely on you is curse until the day of judgment.


(5) He said: My Lord! then respite me till the time when they are raised.


He said: So surely you are of the respited ones
Till the period of the time made known.


(6) He said: My Lord! because Thou hast made life evil to me, I will certainly make (evil) fair-seeming to them on earth, and I will certainly cause them all to deviate
(7) Except Thy servants from among them, the devoted ones.


(8) He said: This is a right way with Me:
Surely. as regards My servants, you have no authority over them except those who follow you of the deviators.


And surely Hell is the promised place of them all:
It has seven gates; for every gate there shall be a separate party of them.
Surely those who guard (against evil) shall be in the midst of gardens and fountains:
Enter them in peace, secure.
And We will root out whatever of rancor is in their breasts-- (they shall be) as brethren, on raised couches, face to face.
Toil shall not afflict them in it, nor shall they be ever ejected from it.


Inform My servants that I am the Forgiving, the Merciful,
And that My punishment-- that is the painful punishment.

Holy Quran, 15:28-50

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(1) History - past background
(2) disobedience, opposition to God & angels
(3) racism & arrogance -- Ego
(4) such is cursed and rejected
(5) the plot unfolds
(6) supreme disbelief: blaming Allah for his own sins
the promise to mislead mankind.
The manner of tricking us to sin: he makes evil appear good.
Know Your Enemy.
(7) the limits of his power -- you can be free
(8) the promise & the threat
Allah will help and protect the good
and He will punish the bad

and this is the setting for our lives.

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lessons from daily 50,
16/08/08

The nemesis of Ego ...the true & ugly nature part III

Humility Personified

The prophet Moses (as) is the Quranic example of humility personified, the only trait capable of opposing the supreme ego of Pharaoh and defeating it. Prophet Moses (as) was raised like a prince in the palace of Pharaoh, under the wing of one of the most self-centered and egotistical characters in the whole of history; yet remaining considerate and aware enough of the rights of others – even those of a lower class in society -- not to behave similarly. Instead of arrogance and the status of a living god which was set before him, Moses (as) humbly accepted his identity as one of the Bani Israel, the oppressed and humiliated slaves, referring to them as “his people”(5:20). When he came to the aid of one of his kinsmen and accidentally killed another man, Moses (as) immediately accepted the mistake of his actions with the words, “This is a work of Evil (Satan): for he is an enemy that manifestly misleads!” (28:15). He did not deny it, oppressing the victim further by concocting lies to blame the deceased, nor belittle the life taken using his standing in the house of Pharaoh to argue he was entitled to behave as he did. Moses (as) was considerate enough of people's rights and aware enough of the world to have firm belief in God before he met or became a prophet, knowing that by killing a man he had exceeded the limits of his position. He immediately begged repentance of Allah, acknowledging his error and immediately wishing to rectify his actions as best he could (28:16-7). Moses (as) did not expect or believe he deserved preferential treatment; he was respectful of the law, the rights of others, and was afraid of the consequences of his act, albeit unintentional (28:18, 28:21).

When he ran away, Moses (as) was not so arrogant as to believe that he could command sustenance or provide for himself through his own power, instead humbly placing his trust in God, the true provider, saying, “O my Lord! truly am I in (desperate) need of any good that Thou dost send me!” (28:24). Further, despite his difficult and distressing situation, the prophet Moses (as) was neither self-absorbed nor oblivious to the condition of others around him, and helped some ladies to water their flock without asking for a reward regardless of his need for it. This is the pinnacle of selfless behaviour – defeating even reactionary egotism and behaving with the utmost consideration instead: being aware of the lordship of God, and considering the situation of others even when your own is much worse, to the point of not asking for recompense even though you are in great need, and they may be able to provide it.

At the assumption of his prophethood, Moses (as) went into spontaneous prostration on the ground with his forehead in the dust, as an expression of his complete submissiveness and humility, being the first to do so amongst men. For his perfect humility, Allah awarded Moses (as) the honorable status of Kalim Allah – the only man ever to be directly spoken to by God, not through the means of revelation via angels. And in the fashion of true humility, the first reaction of Moses (as) to the news that he is a prophet of God is to regard his own worth as small compared to others, and ask for the assistance of his brother Aaron (as), who he considered to have eloquence and capabilities above his own (28:34).

Moses (as) had to stand his ground against the man who had been like a father to him, but did so without disrespect, nor showing egotism in his reactions and becoming a rival to Pharaoh by behaving in a manner similar to him. Instead he simply, humbly, carried out the orders of Allah; being unmoving in his principles, without spite, malice or injustice; asking for the release of the Bani Israel and the acceptance of all humans as equally worthy under the banner of servitude of God.

With the perfection of humility, man will ensure he never acts purely for his own gain to the detriment of others. He will ally himself with justice and the laws of God, encouraging considerate and moral behaviour through his actions, enjoining equality, justice and respect for all beings; promoting harmony, good relations and equity between all. The humble man will inspire love for himself in the hearts of the oppressed through honouring their rights, the respect and obedience of his fellow men for enjoining the unbiased and just truth which benefits them as well as he, and the unity of his society under his direction as a selfless champion for good and an honest servant of God.

The adoption of humility protects and establishes faith, familial and societal relations, respecting the rights of God and all men, uniting, safeguarding and elevating the status of mankind as a whole.

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The Critical Point

Ego is the root of most social & religious ills. It results in unjust, amoral and inconsiderate behaviour. Adoption of humility not only preserves the spirit of religious duty, worship, and societal structure; but also safeguards the rights of individuals and forms the basis for strong, understanding and affectionate friendships and familial relations. Humble behaviour in practice manifests itself simply as good manners and respect for others. Those whose behaviour becomes characterised by their humility will become respected personalities, beloved leaders of men and devoted servants of God who establish His laws in the community. It is for this reason that considering the rights of God and others and having good manners are stressed so much in Islamic teachings; being the practical method through which the religious ideals are upheld.

It is for these reasons that ego and selfishness should be combated in all considerate human beings, particularly believers, who wish to respect the rights of others and the orders of God.

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Summer '08

Ego by Example... the true & ugly nature part II

Ego personified

There are two main examples of supremely egotistical people in the Quran, in the form of some of the most evil characters in history.

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Iblees is the first. He refused to obey Allah out of arrogance: “(Iblis) said: "I am better than he: thou createdst me from fire, and him thou createdst from clay."” (38:76). He did not apologise or repent when Allah expelled him from the garden. He did not ask forgiveness like Adam and Eve, but instead asked for respite until the day of Judgement so that he could lead men astray out of even more spite (7:14-16; 15:36-40). He is the epitome of arrogance and blind pride, refusing to back down even when he suffers the greatest loss through his stance, never once repenting from the beginning of mankind's history until this day, even though he had been warned of the punishment for disobedience (7:18). In true self-absorbed fashion, he refuses to acknowledge his own accountability for his devious acts, in his arrogance even accusing Allah of leading him astray.

“He said: My Lord! Because Thou hast sent me astray...” (15:39)

Becoming self-focussed and behaving in an arrogant and selfish fashion is to behave like Iblees, and behaving as he would wish mankind to. It is tantamount to worship of Satan.

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“"Did I not enjoin on you, O ye Children of Adam, that ye should not worship Satan; for that he was to you an enemy avowed? - and that ye should worship Me, (for that) this was the Straight Way?” (36:60-61)

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The second is the Pharaoh of Moses (as). He was the most egotistical and arrogant man, claiming he was god, refusing to accept the truth despite the clear miracles brought by Moses – the staff, his hand, the 7 plagues and parting of the sea; “And they said( to Moses): Whatever sign you may bring to us to charm us with it-- we will not believe in you” (7:132). Despite the truth clearly appearing before him, he turned his face from it and insisted upon falsehood. When Moses first brought the miracle of the staff, he refused to accept it and sent for the most learned magicians in his kingdom. When the magicians saw the miracle of Moses and immediately knew the truth of his message and submitted to it, Pharaoh not only refused to do the same, but threatened the magicians with torture and death (7:123-4). He stubbornly denied and rejected all but his own preferred version of reality, reverting to his unbelief despite having to ask Moses to pray to God to lift the plagues (7:134-5).

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“Then he (Pharaoh) said, “I am your lord, the most high”. So Allah seized him with the punishment of the hereafter and the former life.” (79:24-5)

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Ego in Reactions

It is not necessarily the case that a person is always egotistical, nor always considerate and selfless. Through various times of a person's life they may adopt either approach, and one should not think that they are completely free of egotistical behaviour simply because most of the time they behave considerately. By the same token, one should not consider a person completely egotistical and self-centered based on their behaviour at any given time. It may be that the usually caring and attentive mother snaps at her child because she was interrupted in the middle of a dangerous task.

In times of difficulty or distraction the ego is more likely to take over and cause bad behaviour, for example when stressed, worried, in physical or emotional pain, concentrating on a difficult task or rushing to meet a deadline. In these cases, albeit temporarily, our attention is greatly diverted to the matter at hand, and can result in inconsiderate or bad behaviour to those around us. We should understand, even when so preoccupied, that others still deserve respect and consideration regardless of the situation we find ourselves in.

Ego may also take over when we are faced with what we see as undeserved obnoxious or unfair treatment from another person. In times like this the most common reflex reaction is to meet like with like, and reflect a bad attitude back to the person who has offended us. This may take the form of accusations or abuse, refusing to acknowledge our bad deeds, refusal to apologise, behaving more stubbornly than usual, refusing to compromise or discuss the matter – all severely egotistical behaviour, employed simply because this is the standard set by the other party. Although we have not initiated the conflict in this case, we should not see our behaviour as justified: a person may have infringed upon our right to be treated with fairness and dignity, but it is equally an infringement of their rights for us not to behave so towards them. Reacting badly in an instant destroys the channels of communication and apology, whereas a little consideration of the possible reasons for the bad behaviour of the other party could lead to dialogue and resolution of the conflict, with the dignity of all intact. When faced with kindness or humility in the face of their bad behaviour, people who are usually considerate but facing some form of difficulty would most likely be prompted to examine their behaviour, apologise and rectify it; thereby restoring respectful societal relations.

Ego on the part of both someone suffering and someone ill-treated by one who is suffering, damages their relationships with each other, closes the channels of communication, ends friendships, promotes malice and lack of understanding; ultimately causing rifts between people and thereby degrading the fabric of the community.

The adoption of egotism destroys faith, familial and societal relations, denies rights and humiliates mankind as a whole.

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to remember -- watch that ego
you are not free of it
May '08.

The true and ugly nature of Ego

Most major sins and conflicts which may appear in daily life are rooted in the ego, and based upon the fact that man is inwardly focussed and deeply absorbed in himself, at the expense of his appreciation of the outer realities and outside world.

In relations with God, particularly prayer, being self-focussed self-aware results in man being absorbed in his own thoughts and not paying attention to his words and acts. There is no communion with God in such prayers, as man has turned his attention inwards and made his own ego the focus of the time spent in the actions of worship. Those self focussed will be automatically inclined to please themselves in any given situation. For such people there is no pressing deterrent to committing sin if the immediate gains of the act are pleasing; as they have lost sight of God and do not act to please Him. The self-absorbed may dwell in a state of delusion about their sins, redefining what is good and evil according to their self-limited awareness and understanding, and begin to commit even great sins openly and without shame or realising how they are humiliating themselves. They may try to argue their stance to others as a form of self-justification, using superficial and subjective reasoning.

In the extreme, the self-absorbed person may commit terrible sins against God and his own soul openly, without shame, repentance or acknowledging his wrong.

Man in this state has taken his lower self as an idol before God, in a state diametrically opposed to the religious ideal of servitude and worship; humility and being God-focussed and God-aware.

In relations with others, the self-focussed person will be oblivious to the state of those around him. He will inconvenience or spite them unintentionally, as it is outside his nature to consider their needs or situation. He will dismiss the impact of tragedies in the lives of others; being unable to see himself in their position and so understand their suffering. However, he will be quick to take exception at small things others may do (intentionally or not so) which he feels are burdensome or offensive to him. He will be oblivious to his own deeds which may affect others similarly, and will likely become offended or start acting with hostility if confronted over his actions – in which he perceives no wrong. Due to this mental state, self-focussed people will seldom see their own mistakes in a conflict situation. They will consider themselves victims, will never apologise nor initiate reconciliation, and will only accept the apology of the other party after long persuasion in which those apologising party cannot in any way defend their past actions. The self-focussed person will cause a great deal of emotional pain and difficulties for their loved ones often without realising, straining familial relationships perhaps even to breaking point.

In the extreme, the self-absorbed person may commit terrible crimes and injustices against other people or society in general, without hesitation, regret or acknowledging his wrong.

Man in this state has taken himself as a king above all others. He decides his comfort, happiness and pleasure are much more real and worthy of consideration than that of others, which he cannot appreciate and so dismisses. Such behaviour, even if not intentional or based on malice, destroys the foundation of societal structure and the larger religious ideal of a harmonious and moralistic community, through removing the mutual consideration members of society must have for each other for its basic function.

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learnt the hard way -- from experience
May '08