Ego by Example... the true & ugly nature part II

Ego personified

There are two main examples of supremely egotistical people in the Quran, in the form of some of the most evil characters in history.

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Iblees is the first. He refused to obey Allah out of arrogance: “(Iblis) said: "I am better than he: thou createdst me from fire, and him thou createdst from clay."” (38:76). He did not apologise or repent when Allah expelled him from the garden. He did not ask forgiveness like Adam and Eve, but instead asked for respite until the day of Judgement so that he could lead men astray out of even more spite (7:14-16; 15:36-40). He is the epitome of arrogance and blind pride, refusing to back down even when he suffers the greatest loss through his stance, never once repenting from the beginning of mankind's history until this day, even though he had been warned of the punishment for disobedience (7:18). In true self-absorbed fashion, he refuses to acknowledge his own accountability for his devious acts, in his arrogance even accusing Allah of leading him astray.

“He said: My Lord! Because Thou hast sent me astray...” (15:39)

Becoming self-focussed and behaving in an arrogant and selfish fashion is to behave like Iblees, and behaving as he would wish mankind to. It is tantamount to worship of Satan.

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“"Did I not enjoin on you, O ye Children of Adam, that ye should not worship Satan; for that he was to you an enemy avowed? - and that ye should worship Me, (for that) this was the Straight Way?” (36:60-61)

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The second is the Pharaoh of Moses (as). He was the most egotistical and arrogant man, claiming he was god, refusing to accept the truth despite the clear miracles brought by Moses – the staff, his hand, the 7 plagues and parting of the sea; “And they said( to Moses): Whatever sign you may bring to us to charm us with it-- we will not believe in you” (7:132). Despite the truth clearly appearing before him, he turned his face from it and insisted upon falsehood. When Moses first brought the miracle of the staff, he refused to accept it and sent for the most learned magicians in his kingdom. When the magicians saw the miracle of Moses and immediately knew the truth of his message and submitted to it, Pharaoh not only refused to do the same, but threatened the magicians with torture and death (7:123-4). He stubbornly denied and rejected all but his own preferred version of reality, reverting to his unbelief despite having to ask Moses to pray to God to lift the plagues (7:134-5).

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“Then he (Pharaoh) said, “I am your lord, the most high”. So Allah seized him with the punishment of the hereafter and the former life.” (79:24-5)

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Ego in Reactions

It is not necessarily the case that a person is always egotistical, nor always considerate and selfless. Through various times of a person's life they may adopt either approach, and one should not think that they are completely free of egotistical behaviour simply because most of the time they behave considerately. By the same token, one should not consider a person completely egotistical and self-centered based on their behaviour at any given time. It may be that the usually caring and attentive mother snaps at her child because she was interrupted in the middle of a dangerous task.

In times of difficulty or distraction the ego is more likely to take over and cause bad behaviour, for example when stressed, worried, in physical or emotional pain, concentrating on a difficult task or rushing to meet a deadline. In these cases, albeit temporarily, our attention is greatly diverted to the matter at hand, and can result in inconsiderate or bad behaviour to those around us. We should understand, even when so preoccupied, that others still deserve respect and consideration regardless of the situation we find ourselves in.

Ego may also take over when we are faced with what we see as undeserved obnoxious or unfair treatment from another person. In times like this the most common reflex reaction is to meet like with like, and reflect a bad attitude back to the person who has offended us. This may take the form of accusations or abuse, refusing to acknowledge our bad deeds, refusal to apologise, behaving more stubbornly than usual, refusing to compromise or discuss the matter – all severely egotistical behaviour, employed simply because this is the standard set by the other party. Although we have not initiated the conflict in this case, we should not see our behaviour as justified: a person may have infringed upon our right to be treated with fairness and dignity, but it is equally an infringement of their rights for us not to behave so towards them. Reacting badly in an instant destroys the channels of communication and apology, whereas a little consideration of the possible reasons for the bad behaviour of the other party could lead to dialogue and resolution of the conflict, with the dignity of all intact. When faced with kindness or humility in the face of their bad behaviour, people who are usually considerate but facing some form of difficulty would most likely be prompted to examine their behaviour, apologise and rectify it; thereby restoring respectful societal relations.

Ego on the part of both someone suffering and someone ill-treated by one who is suffering, damages their relationships with each other, closes the channels of communication, ends friendships, promotes malice and lack of understanding; ultimately causing rifts between people and thereby degrading the fabric of the community.

The adoption of egotism destroys faith, familial and societal relations, denies rights and humiliates mankind as a whole.

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to remember -- watch that ego
you are not free of it
May '08.

The true and ugly nature of Ego

Most major sins and conflicts which may appear in daily life are rooted in the ego, and based upon the fact that man is inwardly focussed and deeply absorbed in himself, at the expense of his appreciation of the outer realities and outside world.

In relations with God, particularly prayer, being self-focussed self-aware results in man being absorbed in his own thoughts and not paying attention to his words and acts. There is no communion with God in such prayers, as man has turned his attention inwards and made his own ego the focus of the time spent in the actions of worship. Those self focussed will be automatically inclined to please themselves in any given situation. For such people there is no pressing deterrent to committing sin if the immediate gains of the act are pleasing; as they have lost sight of God and do not act to please Him. The self-absorbed may dwell in a state of delusion about their sins, redefining what is good and evil according to their self-limited awareness and understanding, and begin to commit even great sins openly and without shame or realising how they are humiliating themselves. They may try to argue their stance to others as a form of self-justification, using superficial and subjective reasoning.

In the extreme, the self-absorbed person may commit terrible sins against God and his own soul openly, without shame, repentance or acknowledging his wrong.

Man in this state has taken his lower self as an idol before God, in a state diametrically opposed to the religious ideal of servitude and worship; humility and being God-focussed and God-aware.

In relations with others, the self-focussed person will be oblivious to the state of those around him. He will inconvenience or spite them unintentionally, as it is outside his nature to consider their needs or situation. He will dismiss the impact of tragedies in the lives of others; being unable to see himself in their position and so understand their suffering. However, he will be quick to take exception at small things others may do (intentionally or not so) which he feels are burdensome or offensive to him. He will be oblivious to his own deeds which may affect others similarly, and will likely become offended or start acting with hostility if confronted over his actions – in which he perceives no wrong. Due to this mental state, self-focussed people will seldom see their own mistakes in a conflict situation. They will consider themselves victims, will never apologise nor initiate reconciliation, and will only accept the apology of the other party after long persuasion in which those apologising party cannot in any way defend their past actions. The self-focussed person will cause a great deal of emotional pain and difficulties for their loved ones often without realising, straining familial relationships perhaps even to breaking point.

In the extreme, the self-absorbed person may commit terrible crimes and injustices against other people or society in general, without hesitation, regret or acknowledging his wrong.

Man in this state has taken himself as a king above all others. He decides his comfort, happiness and pleasure are much more real and worthy of consideration than that of others, which he cannot appreciate and so dismisses. Such behaviour, even if not intentional or based on malice, destroys the foundation of societal structure and the larger religious ideal of a harmonious and moralistic community, through removing the mutual consideration members of society must have for each other for its basic function.

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learnt the hard way -- from experience
May '08

home is where...

how soft,
the distant memory
once more rises,
of a time and place between heaven and earth
robed in dancing shadows and light,

so perfect like
a dream it was, I forgot

was it ever real?
did we ever go?

there are times when I no longer know

O world, turn back again then cease
hold still for me those moments,
in which my heart was whole

as all that remains now to say they were
is their empty place

and the fall of my tears.


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missing ziarah
10/06/08.

the Dawn of a new Era

... otherwise known as, the message of the Prophet (saw) to Visionaries & Great Men.

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday...

Kahlil Gibran

In history we have occasionally seen times of great conflict, which have borne revolutions that have shaped the face of the world to come; according to the will of men who desire, and act upon that. Generations give their lives and blood fighting to establish an ideal, and succeed at long last - if not for themselves, for their children to see. This new generation -- born into the dream of the last but without any of the pain or struggle needed to appreciate it -- are often lost trying to fill the shoes of their parents, or rebelling against the confines of the order they find themselves in, through no choice of their own. This is the situation in modern Iran, in the wake of the Islamic Revolution.

Perhaps a revolution is needed in every generation; the men of each new time striving to establish their own identity, building upon the dreams of their fathers in a direction suited to their own time, setting their own eyes on a goal then struggling to earn their own victory -- & through this, value its worth.

Those who would establish a good & great nation, after the decline of that of the past, are shown the path to tread by the visionary of visionaries & world-changers before them -- the Last Prophet (saw). They must walk in his footsteps in a way more closely than others. He walked out the path they too must take, to build their own promised land, now the glory of the past has faded, crumbled and begun to decay.

How to be the change you wish to see in the world, and through it inspire that change -- define yourself through:

FAITH -- solid, unshakable; gaze firmly fixed on the goal, every second passed with a view to reaching it

LOVE & GENTLENESS -- make this the hallmark of your character, it will be the key to unlocking hearts

NOBILITY -- truth, honesty, good -- reflect the best in humanity towards all in humanity

PERSEVERANCE -- upon these 3, hold firm patience in the long pursuit of the goal, show love & kindness to those who harm you, behave nobly even with those who cheat and betray.


If you can do this -- unfailingly be what you hope to see in others, gentle in approach, unmoving in ideals --

you could awaken minds & hearts, which upon the same love will converge
and build, from trickle to tidal wave, to shape the face of the world.

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31/3/08
with thanks

It has been...

... an age since I last opened those doors, out onto the pinching cold icy-clear night. Too long since I breathed in once more & forced the blurred distance into focus... I see no one else around, but know there must be others and we are all under the same, blue sky... into the chill, I call

Is anybody out there?

please, make yourself known!

the Heart of the Quran

What is the heart of the Quran, the core sentiment, the spirit from which all else flows?

The chapter Ya Seen is called the heart of the Quran.
The heart of Ya Seen can be summed up in 4 of its words.

يَا حَسْرَةً عَلَى الْعِبَادِ

"Ah! Alas for (My) Servants!"

Ya Seen, 36:30

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The story of Ya Seen starts by the Wise Quran, His reassuring and loving words to His Messenger, and the promise of guidance for the whole of creation.

"Ya Sin.
By the Qur'an, full of Wisdom,-
Thou art indeed one of the apostles,
On a Straight Way.
It is a Revelation sent down by (Him), the Exalted in Might, Most Merciful."

36:1-5

His guidance, given out of love and mercy, to be a warning for a people whose fathers were not guided and remained blindly unaware; part of His perpetual grace & mercy to us, never giving up on ever-rejecting, ignorant and arrogant man.

The narrative continues, He sends prophets, good men & warners to mankind, who are arrogantly rejected & killed. The story reflects the entire history of the world, which is coloured through His efforts for our benefit, and our stubborn rejection of them.

and yet, instead of giving up on us, He feels sorrow for us. He laments our states. He loves us still!

Instead of the deserved curse, He says

"Ah! Alas for (My) Servants!"

This is the heart of the Quran,

and its sentiment.

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To follow, He pleads with us through His signs to look at perished nations, to observe & reflect upon the majesty of nature, asking us to do good, warning us of the inevitable punishment - retribution for our bad deeds, telling us not to worship satan -- all this, before finally reminding us gently, softly, this admonition is all for our sakes. He is free from all need, having all power with just a word, "Be".

.فَسُبْحَانَ الَّذِي بِيَدِهِ مَلَكُوتُ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ

Glory to Him, He holds all & to Him we return.

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17 Feb '08

Ridah

There was a new camera I really wanted... a DSLR, one of the more expensive ones. I don't want many things, but this was one of the few I really did. For years I had been toying with the idea of buying one, repeatedly getting close enough to have got my credit card out, then pulling back at the last minute. I could find the money if needed alhamdulillah, but I could never justify the cost... even with discount packages I was looking at the best part of a grand, and no matter how many plans I might make to generate income from it, I could never shake the feeling that it was an extravagance. It would be the most money I had ever spent, aside from on travel - almost twice the cost of my first car (a banger, but it got me from A to B for over a year).

I knew spending so much was way outside my comfort zone but still, I really, really wanted it. Probably more than I'd wanted any material thing before.


A few weeks ago I decided to stop messing about and just buy the camera. I had just wanted it for so long, and knew I would get some beautiful shots even if I did nothing with them. Up to this point I had been using my cameraphone, not even a decent digital camera. I started reading reviews online for the latest models, bought "What Digital Camera" magazine and started shopping around for the best deals. I also asked a friend and fellow photography enthusiast for advice, oj - who had been encouraging me to buy a proper camera for a very long time. I found the site I was going to order from, got my credit card ready and took a deep breath.

I don't know why, but just then it crossed my mind to take an istikhara. I take them often, particularly to reassure me (against my impetuous nature) that I am not doing something stupid - something which would displease Allah. I left the computer on at the checkout page, and performed the istekhara. The result was,

"And if you turn away from them to seek mercy from your Lord, which you hope for, speak to them a gentle word."

-- Al Isra', 17:28

As soon as I read the first few words, I started to smile. I had a suspicion this meant not buying the camera could amount to pursuit of the pleasure and mercy of Allah; and if so I knew what my choice would have to be... but it wasn't immediately clear if that was the case. I knew I would do what I had to if I had to, but I can't deny the reluctance to give up something I loved which I felt when I first read the reply; I wanted to make absolutely sure I understood the kheira first.

I prayed again, saying how much I wanted it, but also that I would resolve to give it up if I was certain of the meaning. I opened the Quran again hoping I'd been mistaken and got another verse, one which I was confused by and couldn't understand the relevance of. I had a strong feeling with the first verse that I had been given my answer, so tried to find it again to re-read it in context in the hope that I would understand it better. I found the passage again easily and read the verse again, then the few before it.

"Your Lord knows best what is in your minds; if you are good, then He is surely Forgiving to those who turn (to Him) frequently. And give to the near of kin his due and (to) the needy and the wayfarer, and do not squander wastefully. Surely the squanderers are the fellows of the Shaitans and the Shaitan is ever ungrateful to his Lord...

-- Al Isra' 17:25-7

And there was my answer, in full. I'd wanted to know if buying the camera was the best course of action to take, and had pushed for a specific answer in the past, above and beyond confirmations of its permissibility. This was it, I had to swallow the little selfish "me" inside which wanted the camera so badly and pull my heart off what I had set it upon, unless I wanted to choose the pursuit of these fleeting worldly pleasures over the one thing I had always said mattered most to me. The matter was settled. I comforted myself with the thought that I could get a nice compact digital camera instead.

I smiled once more as I read the original verse again.


And if you turn away from them to seek mercy from your Lord, which you hope for, speak to them a gentle word."


My final thoughts were about the words, "speak to them a gentle word". At first I couldn't see their relevance but now I realised the advice I was being given, as my thoughts faded to leave the only thing about my decision which now worried me:


oj was gonna kill me.




I'm sorry man, I hope you understand.

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5th March '08